Ahoy out there, you people on the Internet. Have you been wondering about the progress of my home-grown shrimp? The good news is that I’ve developed quite an attachment to them, and they’re safe and sound. I’ve been monitoring the water quality in their hatchery and feeding them daily. The bad news is that they’re still far shy of “jumbo” sized. I had hoped by now they’d be big enough to fry them up, but they’re not there yet. All in good time, all in good time.
Another thing I thought I’d do today is provide you with the service of bringing you up to speed on the globetrotting activities of my grandson Max and my grandniece Tricia. I spoke with Max on the phone a few days ago, and he told me that he’s sold nearly all of his glassware out there in Mendocino County, California. I asked him what his best-selling “big ticket item” was, and without hesitation he said it was his tobacco pipes. And I can see why: They’re more like art than a pipe; why, I would not be surprised if many of them end up in curio cabinets out there in old Mendocino and never get used at all. Max told me that he’s getting ready to travel down to San Francisco shortly; I said to be sure to let me know when he’s good and settled in so he can write another “guest blog” chronicling his travels. I told him to take his time and enjoy himself; his voice sounded a touch raspy and lethargic, but that’s what the open road does to you.
And as for Tricia, she sent me a text message yesterday that said, and I quote, “HEY we r back in kansars now doing good. Missori popos suck. thx 4 letting us borrow trailer <3 ya.” I’m glad to hear she and her friends Derek and Jessica are adjusting to their new surroundings. I’m assuming they parked the trailer in her family’s yard. Do any of you know what popos are? That buzzword is new to me.
Greetings to you on this fine Sunday. Thank you for clearing your schedule to make time for The Codger. I had expected to spend part of today frying up my home-grown brine shrimp, but they’re not ready yet. At the rate they’re growing, they’ll probably need a few more weeks until they’re jumbo. I did some research and I came across a helpful Blog that has some useful tips, such as a special recipe for brine shrimp, as well as shrimp etiquette. As far as I can recall, I don’t remember Miss Manners giving any advice on the subject, so I was happy to find this. Wouldn’t want to be uncouth when eating my first harvest! Did you know that when eating skewered shrimp, you should “slide the shrimp off onto a plate (even if it is a paper plate at a cook out). Skewered shrimp should never be eaten like a corn dog”? I didn’t know that! And when you’re eating fried shrimp, it’s acceptable to use your fingers. I did know that. Everyone knows that, or at least they should.
Once my shrimp are ready, I expect the dinner to go something like this commercial I’ve been seeing for Joe’s Crab Shack, but with shrimp, and with me, The Codger, in the starring role instead of Joe:
Obviously, there will have to be some other minor changes to the script. My version will go something like this:
Happy greetings to you. Like I was telling you about yesterday, I was heading off to the pet store to get some brine shrimp eggs so I can raise my own shrimp. I also picked up an airstone and a pump since, once I saw them in the flesh, they were different from what I thought they were and I didn’t have them just sitting around the house. The pet store didn’t sell testing kits for hard water, but they did have tests for pH, so I picked up one of those.
My next stop was the hardware store, where I picked up a test for hard water. I also saw a bottle behind the counter. I asked the clerk about it, and he said it’s a highly-potent drain cleanser called Clobber and they only sell it to professional plumbers. That’s all I needed to know: I had to have that Clobber. I told him that I’ve never called a professional plumber because I meet all my plumbing needs myself. I said, “I even have a drain snake out in the car to prove it.” (I was bluffing). Young people are so indecisive. They need to be told what they want. I told him that he wanted to sell me the Clobber, but even that didn’t work. The next time my drain gets clogged, there I’m going to be without the Clobber. It’s true what they say: Sometimes there are no easy answers. At least I’m not alone: This blogger had a difficult time until he found a store that was willing to sell it to him, but now he’s in the pink and has an unclogged sink. He’s even in the process of negotiating an endorsement deal for Clobber!
When I got back to the house, the first thing I did was test my water. I’m not one to boast, but my tap water has perfect pH. You can’t find perfect pH straight out of the tap just anywhere, and I’ve got it.
According to the other test, my water has some PPM’s in it, but I don’t think they’re a serious threat. Then I set up the airstone I bought. It runs like a top. I just plugged it in and away it went. You wouldn’t know it unless you had it underwater, though. With their delightful abode completed, it should only be a matter of time until my shrimp hatch into a delicious dinner (I’m counting on them to be ready in time for Sunday dinner).
A good morning to you, all you readers out there. Have you noticed the price of shrimp lately? I’ve stopped ordering them when I go out to eat because I think they’re too expensive for what you get. And half the time, it’s more breading than shrimp anyway. Even at the grocery store, prices have been going up, up, up. With the BP oil spill still gushing into the Gulf at full-force, I don’t expect shrimp to become affordable for anyone but society’s wealthiest anytime in the foreseeable future. But thanks to the marvel known to you and me as the Internet, I’ve located some simple instructions to help me pull myself up by my bootstraps. This is what is known as “self-help”, and it’s a new method that will one day replace psychology altogether.
Here are the instructions: Here. They’re the blueprint for a home shrimp hatchery you can make out some common household trinkets: A soda bottle, a wire, an airstone, and an air pump. The best part of all is that you can keep it right in your fry tank, so the minute you’re ready for some fried shrimp, you can just pour them right in. It says it’s for a kind of shrimp called “brine shrimp”. I don’t know that I’ve ever had brine shrimp before, but I have had brine pork, which had a real tang to it, nice and salty. Brine usually means that it’s salty, which is fine by me. And at least they’ll taste American, unlike those imported Asian shrimp that are flooding the market. I can always tell the difference.
According to my research, the best place to get your brine shrimp eggs is at the pet shop. I’ll have to be careful not to let the clerks know that I’m not going to be keeping these shrimp as pets! They might not sell them to me if they knew! I don’t mind making the trip since I have to pick up some dog food for my Welsh corgi, Hannah Montana. While I’m out, I’m also going to pick up a water testing kit because I’m starting to suspect I have hard water. There’s been a grimy build-up in my shower and on my spigots, and I want to know why. I’m not going to jeopardize my shrimp harvest’s quality by raising them in hard water.
From the desk of The Codger 