Posts Tagged ‘hannah montana’

My Grandson Max Will Be “Ghost Writing” For Me Tomorrow

Greetings, dear readers. I have some spooky news to share with you on this All Hallows’ Eve eve. I have asked my grandson Max (who I am sure you all remember by his Internet “handle”, M-Fixie, because he is a fixed-gear bicycle enthusiast) to “ghost write” tomorrow’s Hallowe’en column for me. Spooky, no? But don’t let the ghostly happenings frighten you too much: Remember that I am not really a ghost, and that it is just Max writing as if he is writing for me after I have passed.

 Oh my…I had intended to write more exhaustively today, but my Welsh corgi, Hannah Montana, is barking at the door. Usually when she does that, she has to go do her business, although sometimes she only wants to fraternize with a squirrel or somesuch. But I don’t intend on taking any chances. I don’t feel like spending the rest of the day cleaning up after she has an accident, and I do not intend on giving out my home address over the Internet for any of you to come and help me clean up.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

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The Codger’s Thoughts Today, Saturday, Sept. 25th

Good morning to you (unless, that is, if it is not morning in your time zone). Oh, Hannah Montana, my Welsh corgi, is barking at the door. She must want to go outside to do her business. I’ll return in but a moment.

I have returned. Hannah Montana must have wanted to go outdoors for a reason other than doing her business, since she didn’t do it. Maybe she heard my feral cat making noise outside, or else she heard some birds. Her breed isn’t supposed to be a birding breed, but I must say that she does more than her part when I’m out by my bird feeder birdwatching. Why, without her, I may have missed that thrush yesterday entirely.

Another important topic I wanted to discuss at today’s round table discussion is world poverty. I say that it’s bad, but I’m sure there are others out there who disagree.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Taking Hannah Montana to the Dog Park


Hello to you today. How have you been? Have you been getting enough rest and exercise? My Welsh corgi Hannah Montana has been getting enough exercise. Yesterday I took her to the dog park, where we successfully intermingled with other dog/owner pairs. Without a doubt, my Hannah Montana had a better time there than the time I took her to the skating park.

If it were up to me, I’d knock down a few of those new pharmacies that keep springing up and replace them with dog parks. They would probably be just as beneficial for people’s health as the pharmacies, but that’s just my opinion. You’d just wake up, eat some hen fruit for breakfast (not the salmonella ones), pat your dog on the head, and breathe a few deep breaths of fresh park air. That’s something that not even Medicare can take away.

On the way home, I surveyed my block for suspicious activity. I didn’t notice anything too suspicious. I also kept an eye open to see if any of my neighbors had begun making the home improvements I recently suggested they make. I didn’t see anything yet, so perhaps I need to set a stronger example. That’s why I’ve decided to undertake my latest kitchen “reno” later today. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Bear Droppings on My Car


Good morning, my dear readers. I never thought this would happen to me, but yesterday evening, when I stepped outside into my driveway, I found myself exclaiming the words made famous by the incomparable Miss Nancy Grace: “Bombshell tonight!” You see, as I was going out to my mailbox to check on my bees, I found animal droppings on my car, which I would not hesitate to put into the “bombshell” category.

After some investigation, I identified the droppings as bear droppings due to their high berry content. I haven’t seen a bear in this neighborhood in over 35 years, but perhaps these things go in waves (like global warming doesn’t…I’ve been around for enough “moons”, as the Native Americans like to say, to know that the planet earth wasn’t always this hot). The way I see it, the bear probably came around because he smelled the honey my bees made. Then he swiped it all with his paw. Well, that explains why I haven’t been getting any honey from my bees: That bear has been stealing it! The only thing I can think to do is get a padlock for the door of my bees’ mailbox. That should solve the problem.

I cannot believe that a bear would be so inconsiderate as to use my car as its personal latrine! Whatever happened to going in the woods and using a pinecone? I’m just thankful that my Welsh corgi, Hannah Montana, was not outside at the time of the vandalism. She could have been eaten! I’ve decided to ramp up my private block patrol (not affiliated with the Block Watch committee) by adding a 6:15 – 7:00 PM lookout shift on my front porch until the bear crisis has subsided. I also added the Department of Transportation to my cellular’s speed dial, in the event that the bear attempts to vandalize any of my neighbors’ automobiles.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

I’m Going to Raise My Own Shrimp


A good morning to you, all you readers out there. Have you noticed the price of shrimp lately? I’ve stopped ordering them when I go out to eat because I think they’re too expensive for what you get. And half the time, it’s more breading than shrimp anyway. Even at the grocery store, prices have been going up, up, up. With the BP oil spill still gushing into the Gulf at full-force, I don’t expect shrimp to become affordable for anyone but society’s wealthiest anytime in the foreseeable future. But thanks to the marvel known to you and me as the Internet, I’ve located some simple instructions to help me pull myself up by my bootstraps. This is what is known as “self-help”, and it’s a new method that will one day replace psychology altogether.

Here are the instructions: Here. They’re the blueprint for a home shrimp hatchery you can make out some common household trinkets: A soda bottle, a wire, an airstone, and an air pump. The best part of all is that you can keep it right in your fry tank, so the minute you’re ready for some fried shrimp, you can just pour them right in. It says it’s for a kind of shrimp called “brine shrimp”. I don’t know that I’ve ever had brine shrimp before, but I have had brine pork, which had a real tang to it, nice and salty. Brine usually means that it’s salty, which is fine by me. And at least they’ll taste American, unlike those imported Asian shrimp that are flooding the market. I can always tell the difference.

According to my research, the best place to get your brine shrimp eggs is at the pet shop. I’ll have to be careful not to let the clerks know that I’m not going to be keeping these shrimp as pets! They might not sell them to me if they knew! I don’t mind making the trip since I have to pick up some dog food for my Welsh corgi, Hannah Montana. While I’m out, I’m also going to pick up a water testing kit because I’m starting to suspect I have hard water. There’s been a grimy build-up in my shower and on my spigots, and I want to know why. I’m not going to jeopardize my shrimp harvest’s quality by raising them in hard water.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

It’s a Good Thing I Bought That Davenport


Ahoy this morning to you, my readers. My grandson Max left on his business trip to California today along with C. J. When he gets to California, Max will be “guest blogging” about his travels, so we can all look forward to that. Now that C. J. is gone, Derek and Jessica (the pregnant one) are the only ones still living in my pop up trailer in the back yard. One down, two to go! (I say that in jest. I am happy to be their host until their home life improves.)

It’s a shame that Max and C. J. won’t be back in time for Tricia’s birthday party, which is this Saturday. We’ll be going out to dinner, and then taking in the movie Twilight Eclipse. Tricia confided in me that she has already seen it, but she assured me it was wonderful, warranting repeated viewings at the theatre. She’s been talking constantly about how she wants a Bettie Page corset for her birthday. I told her that that might not be the most appropriate gift for a 16 year old girl, but I’d see what I can do. She’s been such a delightful houseguest and student this summer that I’m having a hard time justifying saying no to her.

Hannah Montana, my Welsh corgi, had an accident on my mattress this morning. I knew I shouldn’t have installed those doggie steps. They turned out to be a freeway leading straight to a soiled mattress. I’m going out to buy a new mattress this afternoon, and I’m hoping I can take delivery of it today. If not, we’ll have to pull out the davenport in the great room tonight (that’s what they call living rooms nowadays). When I bought that davenport in 1972, the first Mrs. Codger wanted to buy a regular sofa, but I told her no, because you never know when you’ll need an extra bed. And I’ve slept on that davenport every time my mattress has gotten soiled ever since then. She was wrong about a lot of things over the years, but that one really takes the cake!

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Sunday With The Codger


Welcome aboard my “lifestyle column” again, my captive audience. As you know, I have a Welsh corgi named Hannah Montana. My granddaughter Fiona named her after her the famous actress. I know that Queen Elizabeth of England has numerous Welsh corgis herself, and I think I detect a certain nobility about my Hannah Montana. Do any of you know if dogs can use Ancestry.com? I’d like to trace Hannah Montana’s lineage back to the Queen’s corgis.

I’ve asked my grandniece Tricia to “guest blog” tomorrow by posting another summer school assignment I assigned her: An essay on a person she admires. She said she’s been working really hard on it. I’ve taken quite a shine to that new group of friends she’s been palling around with, the ones I wrote about that are living in my pop up trailer in the back yard. It turns out that one of them, Derek, the boy that was in the Army, owns one of those cars I’ve seen racing on my street. He took a regular Camaro, scraped off all the paint, and put on a special muffler to make it faster. When he took me for a ride in it, it really flew! It’s like you’re riding right on the road though, because the seats are so low.

His girlfriend Jessica, who is also living with them in the trailer, is about to have his baby, and she said he’ll have to get a bigger car for once the baby is born. She asked if I would cosign on a loan for them, but I’m sure they’ll be back on speaking terms with their families and living at home by then. The other boy that’s living with them, C. J., the artist, is also a good kid. Well, he’s 21, so he’s not really a kid any more, but you know what I mean. He said he just got a job as the Promoter of a nightclub in the city, so I’m sure he’ll be back on his feet soon and ready to get his own apartment.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger