Posts Tagged ‘food’

There’s Nothing Like a Big Bowl of Piping Hot Groatmeal

Good morning, dear readers. Thank you for taking the time to spend some time with this round table discussion “lifestyle column” this morning. Did you get a load of my grandson Max’s ghost writing yesterday? It was dynamite! Now that’s some real talent there! I felt like I was reading a spooky Hallowe’en article written by myself, not by a ghost writer at all.

The next time your missus offers to make you a full breakfast, be sure you show her this Blog first: Health Food Made Easy. It’ll tell her everything she needs to know about the different kinds of oatmeal (that is, if she doesn’t buy you Dino Egg Oatmeal). Now that that blogger brought up the difference between the original Irish Oatmeal and those commonplace “Scottish Oats”, I’m convinced that the common-law Mrs. Codger doesn’t understand the difference (and thus, may be depriving me of some nutritional value). I’ll take the real Irish Oatmeal, thank you very much. The missus probably just saw “Scottish” in the name and bought it because she thought it was cheap.

Or better yet, I might go ahead and order up some whole oat “groats”. They say they’re more nutritional than even the Irish Oatmeal. It sounds like they’re hard to find, but thankfully, we have the internet. The Amazon bloggers are selling a canister with a special “Health Blend” of oats and groats, and it has an absolutely beautiful parakeet on the packaging:

I hope it gets here soon so I can turn to the missus and have her get me a nice big bowl of piping hot groatmeal.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

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I Have an Upset Stomach

Good morning, dear readers. Or I should say that I hope you are having a good morning, because I certainly am not. I just got done making a batch of my famous Bicarbonate of Ovaltine Elixir on account of my upset stomach. The cause? I’m willing to bet that it was that dinner I went out to last night. Oh, that brings me to my good news: My grandson Max is home from California, and me and the missus wanted to take him out to a nice welcome home dinner (since his own parents didn’t even do that much). Of course, I let Max pick the place.

He selected a restaurant in the city that serves Indian cuisine. Not Native American Indian, but India Indian, from the foreign country. I’d never had that type of food before, so I went with the one dish on the menu that I knew: Chicken Marsala. No sense in taking chances on a dish when you might not like it.

The last time I had that Chicken Marsala, it came over spaghetti noodles, and there were mushrooms on it. But at this Indian restaurant, they made it different. It was in a spicy sauce, which didn’t sit well with me. But I ate it just so I wouldn’t offend the chef. I guess this means I won’t be moving to India any time soon!

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Who’s Ever Heard of Coffee in a Box?

A wonderful Friday morning to you (Internet denizen). While other “Blogs” might lower their standards by switching over to Casual Fridays, I’ll do no such thing. I simply won’t hear of subjecting you to that sort of policy. You deserve better. You deserve The Codger.

If you’ll remember correctly, yesterday we were discussing how my son Brian and his wife Tammy were coming over for dinner yesterday. Well, they followed through and did it. Tammy brought that casserole she was making. It had macaronis, cheese, ham, and bread crumbs in it…I don’t imagine it was an authentic French recipe. They also brought along a boxfull of coffee. I’d never seen such a thing, coffee in a box. I said, “What did you go to all that trouble for? I have a coffee maker right here!” They even brought along a bag with individual creamers and sugar packets. I told Brian that I had plenty of milk in the house, and we would use that for the coffee. Those creamers will keep forever, but my milk was going to expire any day now if no one used it up. Those creamers are going to last me weeks, and that’s if I use one every day. I’ll probably alternate between the creamers and fresh milk.

This whole time, I had forgotten that my granddaughter Fiona was coming to dinner. Sometimes I forget that she is related to Brian and Tammy at all. She is much more like her older brother, Max (also known as “M-Fixie”), despite the 17-year age gap between them. That reminds me: I am going to give Max a call to see how his job in California is going later today.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner…Don’t Get Too Excited, It’s Just Brian and Tammy

Hello, hello, dear readers. Brace yourselves: My son Brian is coming over for dinner tonight. He told me over the telephone that his wife Tammy made some sort of casserole (a French dish) that she’s bringing over. I told him straight away, I said, “Now that I’ve got a whole household to feed, Tammy had better get to work cooking another casserole for us. If they don’t eat, I won’t eat.” Brian said that Tammy had already made enough for everyone, but I think he was just bluffing to protect her. She’s probably down at that McDonald’s restaurant down the street from their house asking the chef if he has any extra casseroles he can sell her. I don’t even know if Tricia’s friends eat casserole. If you’re not brought up on French cooking, you might not have a taste for it.

I remember when I was your age, I bought Brian a remote control airplane. This was back before every kid had one. And what did he do? He flew it right into our neighbor Mrs. Magellan’s laundry line. How’s that for gratitude? I think her name was Mrs. Magellan, or maybe Mrs. McAllister…one of those two. Irregardless, she didn’t live there long, probably because the neighbor boy was always flying remote control airplanes into her laundry zone.

I am thinking of adding a new geological feature to my yard before the frost comes in and the ground freezes up. Perhaps a peloponnesus: not a one of my neighbors has one of those! Or maybe a piedmont might do the trick (thought it admittedly wouldn’t be nearly as glamorous). I’m going to go onto the Internet now and do some research before Brian and Tammy get here and disrupt me.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

The Codger Is Busy Making a Cake

Howdy there, readers. I hope you enjoyed your Sunday and took the time to read my grandson Max’s guest article yesterday. From the sounds of it, Max is having the time of his life out there in California. It’s been a few years since I’ve been out that way myself, so it’s a blessing to read a true first-hand account of what it’s like out there with all those assorted farmers, prospectors, and Hollywood-types. I generally don’t have too much of a problem with the movie stars, but those directors and producers are always dreaming up all kinds of crazy ideas for movies that just don’t need to be made.

My old buddy Hiram invited me and the common-law Mrs. Codger over to his house for bridge tonight. I expect to have a good time. We used to have a regular bridge night. It was Thursday nights. Then we changed it to Tuesday nights because my missus started going to her fitness class on Thursday nights. But then Hiram’s wife Dot’s health was always up and down and she couldn’t play, so we didn’t have bridge nights for quite a while. But Hiram said that Dot is feeling well enough, so we’re going over to their place tonight.

The thing about going to Hiram’s is that Dot can’t cook because her doctor won’t let her stand for extended periods—makes standing over a stove hard for her. And Hiram himself couldn’t cook to save his life. Anyone can tell you that! Well, so I don’t go hungry over there tonight, I’m going to make a cake to take along. I just called the missus at work and she gave me the recipe over the phone. It looks like I have all the ingredients necessary: eggs, flower, sugar, marjoram, milk, baking powder, and extract of vanilla. I’m going to start baking it now, so you had better not expect me to write back to your commentary until I’m finished.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Undercover Codger

A most grand morning to you, all my readers. Of course, while you might be waking up presently, your industrious Codger has been busy all morning—the whole morning. When I woke up, I realized that I needed to get to go to the store to buy some cold cereal. But because I, like most media figureheads, could easily be recognized by members of the general public (especially ones who read this “lifestyle column”), I thought it best to wear a disguise.

I routed through the missus’ drawers to see if she had any extra wigs lying around, but she didn’t, probably because she doesn’t wear a wig. So I had to go with a hat instead. But which hat? My Panama hat. Definitely my Panama hat. No one would suspect a Panamanian denizen of being a prominent US media pundit. I also wore my blue jacket, the one I never wear because I don’t like it very much. There aren’t many people around here who have seen me wearing that jacket in public.

My disguise worked: Not a single person accosted me by requesting an autograph or criticizing my stance on any issues in the news on which I have an opinion. Then I took my cold cereal home. Basic Four is the one I bought, because it includes all four food groups: Meat, fruits, vegetables, and dairy. To get at the precious bounty inside, I filleted the box like a soft shelled crab…you just slice it up the middle. I’ve found over the years that that’s the best way to do it. Media hotshots like myself tend to refer to ourselves as “early adapters” when we do things like that which other people don’t.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

An Excellent Use for Those Silica Packets

Good morning to all my readers who are reading this “lifestyle column” today. And another thing…why do all the companies out there bother putting those packets of silica beads into everything? I bought a bag of beef jerky the other day, and what did I find inside? A bag of silica beads. I paid for 100% beef jerky, not silica beads! You’d better believe that the manufacturer is going to be hearing from me.

I decided to conduct my own Internet research into the subject, and through the wonders of the Internet, I was able to “shuffle off to Buffalo” online without ever leaving my house. This was all thanks to a little Web site called The Buffalo Sportsman. He writes, “Why Do They Put That Little Packet Of Poison In A Bag Of Beef Jerky? It says DO NOT EAT on it. Um, the point of me eating the jerky is because I’m starving, do they really expect me to slow down and double check what I’m stuffing in my piehole? Has anyone ever eaten that little packet? I wonder what it will do?” I couldn’t agree more, and those are excellent questions. I don’t intend to find out what happens when you eat them, but I have noticed that I’ve found those packets in all sorts of things: Shoes, beef jerky, and some other things. I’ve been saving them since I don’t want to just throw them out.

This morning, I finally found a use for all those silica packets: Arts and crafts. I just got myself a big piece of oak tag and glued them on, one by one. It looks beautiful, but it’s also functional. Then I glued the whole thing right on the bedroom wall. Undoubtedly, I think the missus will be very pleased when she gets home from work today and sees it. She’s been nagging me to do something about my silica packet collection for years.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger