Good morning, all ye readers. How did you enjoy the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day, or, as I call it, the Other Sweeps Week? Mine was ruined because my son Brian got me a Friendly’s gift certificate. He knows I don’t eat there. I stopped eating there the day they stopped letting me order the chicken meal from the children’s menu. I don’t even care about the price. The thing I like is that they put the chicken cutlets on skewers for you. It’s very attractive that way, and it’s easier to eat. If there was a version of it on the regular menu, I’d be more than happy to order it, but since there’s not, there’s no good reason why my cold, hard greenbacks shouldn’t be good enough to buy it off the children’s menu.
Unfortunately, I’m going to have to keep a lower Internet profile on the Internet. Yesterday I saw a bunch of Commies all go into the house next door. The reason I know they were Commies is that they were all wearing red hats. Sure, they tried to disguise themselves by wearing purple sweaters, but that didn’t fool me. No, sir. And they were all lady Commies, the most sinister kind of all.
I told my grandniece Tricia and her friends to be careful not to talk about our Capitalist system over the Internet, because the Commies have probably bugged our system. Since you’re reading this “lifestyle column”, you might want to take my advice as well. That’s how it all starts: They move in next door innocently enough, and the next thing you know, they’ve started monitoring your phone calls and your Internet blogs. So I’m not going to say anything pro-Capitalist here in this space. But just to be on the safe side, I’m going to be keeping a lower profile until I’m sure they’ve stopped watching us. I wouldn’t be surprised if my son Brian hired them to snoop on me. He probably thought they were regular spies and didn’t even realize they were the Communist kind. The unobservant could easily make that mistake.
Until next time!