Posts Tagged ‘S.E.O.’

Celebrating My 204th Anniversary

Ahoy, dear readers. In my haste to bring you all the latest and greatest news, I neglected to celebrate the 200th article of this “lifestyle column”. That is why today I will be observing the 204th anniversary of this Blog with a retrospective of some of my finest works since my last centennial anniversary (100th).

I called for greater curb appeal in my neighborhood:

I got ready to build my Space Needle addition to my house:

I had an oil spill in my kitchen and was forced to fry up my home-grown shrimp before they were fully grown:

My grandniece Tricia announced her pregnancy:

I blessed you with The Codger’s Guarantee:

I had a terrible weekend at Brian and Tammy’s beach house:

I wrote a Live Blog of my daily routine:

Tricia and her friends returned to live with me. What a happy day:

I tried to get those Pickers from the television to come to my house:

I wrote a delightful screenplay:

I told you to smelt down your silver, and you listened:

Until next time!


The Codger


xx the morning after xx w/ m-fixie

Hey dudes, chillax, M-Fixie’s herre for you. My grandpa called me yesterday and said he wanted to go to the store this morning, and he didn’t think he’ll have enough time to crank out a blog post on top of that. He asked if I would guest blog so I said sure. I can’t believe my grandpa’s stuck to blogging for this long. I guess some people just find their true callings l8r in life. WTG, grandpa!

Now I know you’ve all been asking what’s going down w/ me. I’m just letting it all happen, yo. Living! Just living! Living life! It’s amazing. Always remember that life is amazing. Sometimes you just gotta step back, take a shot of tequila, take a deep breath, smoke a blunt, and open your eyes. Me and CJ got a loft together, it’s tight. We got this huge ass poker table off Craigslist and that makes it feel like a true Man Cave. CJ got the awesome idea that we should do a performance art piece together so that’s what we’re working on now. It’s a commentary about the state of being a young man in modern society and how hard it is. The only thing is there’s a little artistic nudity in it, but def nothing worse than you see in softcore. Those c@cktease girls who live upstairs are exactly the kind of people who need to see our performance art, but they would probably never get it. CJ’s cousin works at a gallery and they might let us do our performance there when we’ve got it ready, prob not for a couple weeks. Pax out,

Xx m-fiXie xX

The Intervention Was A Success

A good Monday morning to you out in the audience today. Well, you can all breathe a heavy sigh of relief. I told you last week that my friend Billy’s grandson Haydon was addicted to drugs. It turns out that he actually spells his name “Hayden”, but that’s his parents’ doing, not his. And he’s not addicted to drugs. It was all a big misunderstanding.

It turns out that Billy confronted Haydon about his irritability and his erratic behavior. He also showed him that intervention video I found for him. Well, Haydon finally stood up for himself and told the truth: He’s not addicted to drugs. But he does enjoy, as he put it himself, “huffing down” large quantities of whipped cream.  

Billy gave me a call because he was still concerned, but I put his fears to rest. Growing boys need all the calories they can get, even if they come from so-called “junk foods” like whipped cream. Why, I remember as a young Codger spending hours at the local drug store counter ordering up ice cream sundae after ice cream sundae, and they were topped with loads of whipped cream. Mountains of the stuff! I told Billy that Haydon’s behavior is totally normal, and let me tell you: Was he ever relieved! I told him to be sure to stock his refrigerator with an extra can of whipped cream or two for the next time Haydon visits so he’ll feel right at home.

Until next time!


The Codger

Ghost Writing for Halloween

A jolly good morning to you, ladies and germs! I am most pleased to have such an attentive audience this morning. You are attentive, right? You’d better be. You’re not going to get anywhere in life with a poor attitude. That’s the real world. That’s how it is. You should be more like my grandson M-Fixie, who is, to put it simply, awesome.

I remember when every commercial used to have a Moby song in it. There were more Moby songs in commercials than you could shake a stick at, young’n. Those were the good old days back in ’99. Well happy days are here again, because they made another one, and it’s a doozey! It even has Moby Dick in it! Makes me want to get up and dance the Charleston. I will have to consider the purchase of the AT&T BlackBerry Torch.

It’s Halloween today. I know my neighborhood and the names of the people that live in, so I made a checklist of all the children and check them off when they come trick or treating at my house. I’m not going to waste my hard earned money on carpetbaggers who come in from the next town over to get their hands on our sweets. And if I see anybody vandalizing my house, I’m not afraid to do a little kung fu citizens arrest on them.

Until next time!


The Codger*

*(today’s lifestyle column was ghost written by m-fixie. Peace out)

thinking what should i name my baby?

Hey guys, hm, what should I write about 2day? Hmhmhm??? So far im only wearing derek’s big hoodies cuz I don’t need maternity clothes yet, im not that big yet :P no stretch marks either. Hope I don’t get them bad like Jess did even tho i think i might since she had derek’s baby 2 and itll probs do the same thing 2 me. She cant even wear a bikiny since she had Nevaeh. Uuggh!! What do yall think of the name A’leah? I think its pretty. I don’t wanna go with the normal Aaliyah spelling because I want her to be special and unique, if shes a girl. If it’s a boy, do u like the name Chance or Jayden better. I kinda like Chance cuz I took a chance and now im gonna become a mommy with a amazing baby and boyfriend. Or maybe something that stars with a d since Derek’s the daddy!!! Contfidential to Derek~~Luv u baby, just cuz im preggo don’t mean we still cant have fun ;0 ~TRICIA PAGE~

A Magnificent Quote I Can’t Quite Place

Ahoy! Happy days are here again! As he wrote yesterday, my grandson Max is on his way back home from California. It’s just such a shame that that millionaire threatened to put a damper on the end of Max’s trip. But now that Max has that experience working as a pool boy under his belt, I see no reason why he shouldn’t be able to find a job doing that back here with a more reputable employer. Of course, he’ll keep selling all of his hand-blown glass pipes and bric-a-brac as well, as the arts are his true calling in life. Everyone who’s seen his work knows that’s the truth, as plain as the nose on your face. I’m going to recommend  to my grandniece Tricia’s beau, Derek, that he buy one of Max’s pipes so he doesn’t accidentally set my house on fire making those homemade cigarettes he’s taken to smoking the way he set my trailer on fire.

There’s such a nice quote that’s taken up residence in my head, but I can’t quite place it. It goes something like, “from each according to his ability, to each according to his need”. I think it’s from a Christmas card I received a few years back, but I’ve been looking through my old Christmas cards and can’t find it anywhere.

That sounds like the kind of card my old chum Alva would’ve sent. He always sent that type of card that had a nice message printed inside. I would call him to see if he remembered, but he passed some years ago. Maybe my son Brian was right when he insinuated that I was losing my memory. I just can’t place that quote, but its author should be quite proud of himself.

Until next time!


The Codger

xx the morning after w/ m-fixie xx

Hey dudes, can’t talk long. M-Fixie here btw. I talked with my grandpa y’day and I got the feeling he really wanted to do the casino thing today, and that’s why I said I’d guest blog it up in here yo. We talked about doing a special Halloween project for you all when I get back, I think you all are gonna like it. I’m in Tejas and heading back home b/c that millionaire me and CJ were living w/ turned out to be a huge f’ing perv. No lie. I’m not gonna go into it here but trust me that it was a MESSED UP situation. So sketch. So here’s my advice to you. If a shady millionaire producer ever wants you to work as a pool boy for $’s, don’t do it b/c there’s probably a catch. Word. xx M-fixie xx