Good morning to you, dear readers. Thank you for joining our round table discussion Web site. If you’re a new reader, I am The Codger. What are your opinions on society? If you ask me, society is too concerned with meddling in private citizens’ business. Everywhere you look, people are sticking their noses where they don’t belong. Why, just the other day I opened my front door to be greeted by a pamphlet trying to get me to go to some tanning parlor. If I had been interested in that sort of service, I would have sought it out myself, thank you very much. And another thing: I am sick and tired of people sending me spam E-mails when I don’t even know who they are. And when you E-mail them back, they don’t even have the courtesy to respond!
I remember the way it used to be, when pamphleteers actually stood for something. When I was young, my mother would read to me from Thomas Paine’s “Common Sense” pamphlet. Well, people found out, and to say that they were unhappy about it would be an understatement: That day went down in history as the day Billie Joe McAllister jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge. There’s nothing wrong with my memory of that day, but in case you don’t remember, Bobbie Gentry wrote a song about it:
My son Brian called me on my cellular this morning to remind me that he’s going to take me to my doctor’s appointment at 3:00 today. I told him that I was just at the doctor, but he said that this was a different doctor. He said, “Dad, did you forget about your appointment again? You’ve been forgetful lately.” And I told him that my memory is as sharp as ever, and the only reason I get forgetful is because he’s always bothering me. I’ve got the memory of a cat. Always have, always will. Then he started rambling on about how we’ll need to discuss my forgetfulness with the doctor, so when he said that, I hung up on him. He knows very well that I won’t tolerate being spoken to like that.
When WordPress.com finally gets around to sending me my check for writing for them, the first thing I’m going to do is install a security system so my son can’t just show up at my house and start criticizing me whenever the spirit moves him. I am also getting tired of the people who keep sending me spam E-mails. And when you try to E-mail them back, they never reply. It’s like they vanish straight into thin air. Yes sir, I am getting quite tired of them. I feel so much better now that I’ve got all that off my chest. Sometimes you just need to express your frustrations and you’ll feel much better. Another thing I’m getting frustrated about is the local “tanning parlor” stuffing pamphlets into my door. I don’t know if you’ve been getting them at your place, but if you are, feel free to voice your objections in the comments box. There is never any censorship here, and that’s the truth!
Greetings to you on this fine Sunday. Thank you for clearing your schedule to make time for The Codger. I had expected to spend part of today frying up my home-grown brine shrimp, but they’re not ready yet. At the rate they’re growing, they’ll probably need a few more weeks until they’re jumbo. I did some research and I came across a helpful Blog that has some useful tips, such as a special recipe for brine shrimp, as well as shrimp etiquette. As far as I can recall, I don’t remember Miss Manners giving any advice on the subject, so I was happy to find this. Wouldn’t want to be uncouth when eating my first harvest! Did you know that when eating skewered shrimp, you should “slide the shrimp off onto a plate (even if it is a paper plate at a cook out). Skewered shrimp should never be eaten like a corn dog”? I didn’t know that! And when you’re eating fried shrimp, it’s acceptable to use your fingers. I did know that. Everyone knows that, or at least they should.
Once my shrimp are ready, I expect the dinner to go something like this commercial I’ve been seeing for Joe’s Crab Shack, but with shrimp, and with me, The Codger, in the starring role instead of Joe:
Obviously, there will have to be some other minor changes to the script. My version will go something like this:
Ahoy there, readers. And a special “ahoy” to my grandson Max. His photography article yesterday was really something, wasn’t it? I really felt the thrill of traveling cross-country by looking at his photos. He has such a creative spirit. You know, if Max weren’t already a glassblowing artisan, he could always make a living as a photographer for a museum. Any museum would be proud to hang his photos up on the wall.
Now on to the next order of business: Today is as good a time as any to talk about my latest appointee to the list of Exemplary Codgers: Donatella Versace. The Wikipedia encyclopedia documents her age as 55, which at first I thought was a typographical error. But then I remembered that Donatella is European, and they can retire earlier over there because the government supports its senior citizens, in effect encouraging people to strive for seniority. It’s not like it is over here, with everyone preoccupied with staying young by getting plastic surgery. No, Donatella Versace is proud to let herself age naturally and is not ashamed of her mature physique, frequently flaunting it in the media:
A photo of Donatella Versace you can see at The Inquisitr
Using the YouTube video search engine, I found this fascinating video footage of Donatella being interviewed by former Supreme Court nominee Harriet Mays Powell. It’s good to know that Harriet Mays Powell landed on her feet after that nomination fiasco: New York Magazine was generous to offer her a position as its Fashion Director. How many other places would even consider hiring a Supreme Court non-starter? Not many, I’ll tell you that much. Maybe a dry cleaner or a newsstand might take her on as an apprentice, but that’s about it.
As you can see, Donatella Versace has dedicated her life to charity by encouraging the younger generation to become creative. She lets them draw and paint different types of fashions that she then sells right there in her store. The children hold full creative control (this is the complete opposite of the Kathie Lee Sweatshop); did you see the gold leather suit and that dress with zippers all over it that those kids came up with? This kind of creativity can only come from the mind of a child. And Donatella was kind enough to transform their ideas into reality. Donatella Versace, The Codger salutes you.
Good morning, my little lotus blossoms. My grandson Max just called me to say that he’s almost reached his destination in California, so I’m going to turn things over to him tomorrow to “guest blog”. I cannot wait to hear all about his trip, and I am sure you must feel likewise.
On a hot day like today, there’s no bigger treat than a big glass of ice water. It’s nature’s candy, so treat yourself. Just don’t treat yourself to too much actual candy, or you’ll get the diabetes. I’ve been seeing a new public service announcement about diabetes testing with Nick Jonas in it. He seems like such a nice, clean-cut young hipster, and it’s good to see him plugging the generation gap by extending an olive branch to the senior and baby boomer demographics.
Now when we seniors start talking to you young people about the diabetes, you have no excuse not to know what we’re talking about because Nick Jonas told you. If there’s one thing we seniors enjoy, it’s having something in common with young people to talk about. It wasn’t that long ago that we were young, you know. It wasn’t like it is now, where all the kids care about is getting hopped up on Totino’s all the time:
I didn’t see a single warning in that commercial about the diabetes! Not a one! I remember when my Uncle Roosevelt (that was his first name, not his last) would start talking about his diabetes. He didn’t know how to make it fun like Nick Jonas makes it. After you watch that public service announcement a few times, you’ll probably want to go out and get the diabetes yourself, that’s how fun he makes it seem. Of course, getting the diabetes gives you a good conversation starter for any situation, but you cannot forget the health consequences, which can be deadly.
Good morning to you, dear readers. Thank you for joining our round table discussion Web site. If you’re a new reader, I am The Codger. What are your opinions on society? If you ask me, society is too concerned with meddling in private citizens’ business. Everywhere you look, people are sticking their noses where they don’t belong. Why, just the other day I opened my front door to be greeted by a pamphlet trying to get me to go to some tanning parlor. If I had been interested in that sort of service, I would have sought it out myself, thank you very much. And another thing: I am sick and tired of people sending me spam E-mails when I don’t even know who they are. And when you E-mail them back, they don’t even have the courtesy to respond! 
From the desk of The Codger 