Archive for the ‘Exemplary Codgers’ Category

Exemplary Codgers: Patsy Campbell

Hello and ahoy again, all of you who ready this “lifestyle column”. As I was out last week, I let my E-mail get backed up…why, there must have been over a dozen unread E-mails in there! So I spent all day yesterday reading them and getting caught up. One of the best ones came from my grandson Max. He sent me a fantastic Yahoo article: http://finance.yahoo.com/loans/article/111500/the-25-year-foreclosure-from-hell and it gave me the inspiration for this week’s Exemplary Codger: None other than 71 year old Ms. Patsy Campbell.

As Max’s article describes, the government has been trying to kick poor Ms. Campbell out of her house for the past 25 years using a legal loophole called “foreclosure”. I would imagine some of you are familiar with it, particularly those amongst you who don’t manage your finances well. Well, Ms. Campbell has been maintaining her house for 25 years, putting in a watchdog, boarding up all the windows to keep out the storms, and doing all those things that good homeowners in subtropical climates do for the past two and a half decades. That’s because she lives in Florida. And her husband wanted her to have that home when he died, not the government. But as Ms. Campbell says herself, “If they had a case, they would have already won it, years ago”.

Because of all they’ve put her through, this foreclosure truly has become “the foreclosure from hell” for Ms. Campbell. I would’ve stopped making payments years ago, too! But she keeps her spirits high: “They’re not going to take this house. I intend to stay in this house and maintain it as my residence until I die.” Her neighbors should be ashamed of themselves, not pitching in and helping her keep those lawyers off her property! Ms. Campbell, if you’re reading this, I think getting a reverse mortgage (just as I did) might be the answer to your problems! That maneuver would really confuse those lawyers! They’d probably have no idea how to proceed.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

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Exemplary Codgers: Roni Deutch

Hello again, readers. It’s been a stretch since I’ve told you about an Exemplary Codger to look up to, so I’m going to tell you about one today. I’ll be the first person to admit that an important prerequisite for being an Exemplary Codger is age, but that’s not to say that you can’t become a codger when you’re younger. Or when you’re a woman. Just take a look at Roni Deutch. She’s still a spring chicken, but she’s already become more of a codger than some people ever will be.

The minute you set eyes upon her television commercial and she utters her catchphrase, “Hi, I’m Roni Deutch”, you know you’re in for a treat. If that commercial isn’t number one in the ratings, I would be extremely surprised, shocked even. I couldn’t find it on the YouTube video search engine, but I did find this miniature documentary someone made about her life. It reminds me of one of the old newsreels they used to play at the movies:  Only an Exemplary Codger could call the I. R. S. a Big Bully and get away with it!

I just did some additional research on her official Wikipedia encyclopedia page, and it says that California’s Attorney General is suing Roni for $34 million for swindling money out of her clients, who apparently don’t get their money’s worth. Well of course her services are expensive! You don’t think that spending time with Roni comes cheap, do you? I’d say that it takes a lot of nerve for that Attorney General to sue a lawyer, because lawyers know how to fight back, particularly a good lawyer like Roni Deutch, Exemplary Codger. I hereby give Roni permission to go ahead and add an “Ex.C.” after her “Esq.”    

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Exemplary Codgers: Jean-Baptiste Charles Bouvet de Lozier

Salutations and greetings, readers. When I was getting ready to go to retire for the evening yesterday, I was thinking to myself, “You know what? It has been a while since I’ve talked about an Exemplary Codger.” Without Exemplary Codgers, who do we have to look up to? Yes sir, that’s why we need ‘em.

Today’s Exemplary Codger is Jean-Baptiste Charles Bouvet de Lozier. Would you just look at that name? It’s magnificent! If that name doesn’t say “Exemplary Codger”, I don’t know what does. That alone would have been enough to qualify Bouvet (that’s the surname part of his name) as an Exemplary Codger, but according to his article in the Wikipedia encyclopedia, he pulled himself into his bootstraps and practically raised himself after being orphaned at age seven. Then he managed to sweet-talk his boss (the manager at his local French East India Company location) into letting him borrow two of his ships to go traipsing off into the South Atlantic on an “exploratory mission” in 1739.

BOUVET

Here’s where it gets good. While on that little jaunt, he stumbled across an island: The most remote island in the world, Bouvet Island. He didn’t even record its position accurately, so when another sailor, James Lindsay, happened upon the island later, he named it after himself: Lindsay Island. But because Bouvet was such an Exemplary Codger, they eventually changed the name back to Bouvet Island even though Bouvet was wrong and Lindsay was right. I bet Lindsay was miffed. Oh, and it’s under Norwegian sovereignty these days. Who would have thought that? And another thing: Bouvet himself went on to serve the good people of the Mascarene Islands as their governor twice, from 1750 to 1752 and then again from 1757 to 1763.

No one lives on Bouvet Island, but it looks like there’s some radio towers and a weather station. Oh, and don’t even try to dock your boat there. It’s too unapproachable, and even if you do dock, it’s just a bunch of cliffs and ice. No wonder no one lives there.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Exemplary Codgers: The General


A good morning and a hello, dear readers. When I got out of bed this morning, I noticed the common-law Mrs. Codger standing on the other side of the room doing something. Normally this wouldn’t be out of the ordinary—she’s always standing around doing things—but I realized that she should’ve been at work. Then she reminded me that we have to go to my son Brian’s beach house because it’s Labor Day weekend…or, to be more precise, I should say “bay house”. He probably couldn’t get his hands on a real beach house if his life depended on it. At least I’ll have my granddaughter Fiona there to talk to. I sincerely hope Brian doesn’t try to take us to Atlantic City while we’re down there…from what I hear, it’s like a police state these days, minus the police force.

A Portrait of The General from http://www.thegeneral.com/


Since I’ll be living under my son’s hawkeye all weekend, I probably won’t have the privacy necessary to write articles for this “lifestyle column”. So that’s why I’ve decided to leave you with an Exemplary Codger to read about all weekend. In honor of Labor Day, I would like to nominate The General and thank him for his military service. The General is probably known to you from his popular television programs such as this one, where he co-stars alongside a penguin:

As he writes on his Blog, The General (whose last name appears to be classified military intelligence, and appropriately so) is also a licensed insurance agency that has been recognized for having excellent financial stability. As he likes to say on the TV, “For the best car insurance rates online, go to The General and save some time”. He also says on his Blog, “Our policy and claims service organizations are focused on serving the customer to complete the recipe for success.” And succeed he has. His military campaigns have been second to none, and that is why, on this Labor Day weekend, we should all take a moment and give thanks to The General for serving his country.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Exemplary Codgers: Jack Van Impe


Ahoy to you this morning. As a favor to you all, I will be gracing you with the profile of another Exemplary Codger today. Today’s Exemplary Codger is probably known to you all from his popular television news program, “Jack Van Impe Presents”: It’s Jack Van Impe. According to the article written about him in the Wikipedia encyclopedia, Jack Van Impe was born in the year of our Lord 1931, which makes him a good, ripe age to qualify for Exemplary Codger status.

Mr. Van Impe, I mean Dr. Van Impe, received his doctorate from the unaccredited Pacific International University, as did his wife, the ray of sunshine Dr. Rexella Van Impe. Accredited universities might be fine and dandy for the masses, but an Exemplary Codger has that certain “je ne sequoia” to attend an unaccredited university and command the public’s recognition of his doctoral title. But degree or not, Jack Van Impe is smart enough that he can quote from the Bible word for word, even the verse numbers. That’s impressive stuff right there!

But what really sets Jack Van Impe apart as an Exemplary Codger is his continued commitment to covering the news story that the rapture is just around the corner, supporting that claim with current events. Most people couldn’t get away with covering the same story for years on end and be wrong most of the time, but Jack Van Impe can, without a doubt. And he and Rexella always make it FUN:


Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Exemplary Codgers: Kenny Rogers


Hello again, and welcome. Before I head outside to harvest some lettuce from my victory garden, I’ve opted to give you another Exemplary Codger to contemplate and emulate during those peaceful little moments between doing things: country singer Kenny Rogers.

But Kenny Rogers wasn’t always the socially-acceptable codger we have all come to know and love. Not by a long shot. During my research, I unearthed evidence that seems to suggest he was once a full-blooded hippie, fronting a hippie band and making all sorts of nonsense hippie music videos and singing hippie nonsense lyrics:

Yes, I am as stunned as the rest of you. I never would have suspected Kenny Rogers of being the hippie type. Yet despite this adverse upbringing, he sorted himself out and became the respectable country music celebrity this lifestyle column can get behind, the kind that makes sensible music videos with other respectable singers like Dolly Parton, founder of Dollywood (the more responsible alternative to Hollywood):

Did you notice Kenny’s choice of lumberjack’s attire and codgerly gray beard? I’m sure you’ll agree that they’re a big improvement over his hippie days. Kenny Rogers: Living proof that it’s never too late to abandon the hippie lifestyle in favor of greener pastures.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Exemplary Codgers: Oliver Cromwell

Salutations to you today. I hope that you are in good health and enjoying life. Who is someone else who enjoys life, you ask? An Exemplary Codger, that’s who. That is why we need them now more than ever. One of the great ones was Oliver Cromwell. I am of the opinion that he was one of the first Exemplary Codgers, though he was never proclaimed one during his reign.

A title he did brandish during his reign was that of Lord Protector of the Commonwealth. You don’t get to become Lord Protector by lying in wait for it to happen, and that’s a fact. No, you have to break a few eggs. And that’s just what Oliver Cromwell did. He defeated two English Civil Wars, dethroned and executed the evil King Charles I, and obliterated the Rump Parliament and the presumably-wicked “Barebone’s Parliament”, all the while being decried by the Irish as “genocidal or near-genocidal”. If Barebone’s Parliament had survived, they probably would have just spread the Plague anyhow, since it was going around in those days. That’s why we must never vote them into office: We wouldn’t want to go back to those days of pestilence.

A Portrait of Oliver Cromwell

But if one thing speaks to Oliver Cromwell’s Exemplary Codger status, it’s that he was exhumed from Westminster Abbey in 1661 and posthumously executed. It sounds preposterous, but that’s what they did: They executed his cadaver! I believe that was because there was no Queen at the time to perform a posthumous knighting ceremony, so the best they could manage was an execution.

There is now The Cromwell Association established in his honor; its Blog has an exclusive “members only area” for the upper echelon of Cromwell’s followers, most likely his descendents. One person likely not authorized in the members only area: His son Richard, who was such a poor Lord Protector that he was removed from office after only a fraction of time his father served. Oliver Cromwell had been paid £100,000 per year for his duties, and he was worth every shilling. As far as I’m concerned, his son wouldn’t be a bargain at half the price.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger