There Is Nothing Wrong With My Memory

Good morning to you, dear readers. Thank you for joining our round table discussion Web site. If you’re a new reader, I am The Codger. What are your opinions on society? If you ask me, society is too concerned with meddling in private citizens’ business. Everywhere you look, people are sticking their noses where they don’t belong. Why, just the other day I opened my front door to be greeted by a pamphlet trying to get me to go to some tanning parlor. If I had been interested in that sort of service, I would have sought it out myself, thank you very much. And another thing: I am sick and tired of people sending me spam E-mails when I don’t even know who they are. And when you E-mail them back, they don’t even have the courtesy to respond!

I remember the way it used to be, when pamphleteers actually stood for something. When I was young, my mother would read to me from Thomas Paine’s “Common Sense” pamphlet. Well, people found out, and to say that they were unhappy about it would be an understatement: That day went down in history as the day Billie Joe McAllister jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge. There’s nothing wrong with my memory of that day, but in case you don’t remember, Bobbie Gentry wrote a song about it:

My son Brian called me on my cellular this morning to remind me that he’s going to take me to my doctor’s appointment at 3:00 today. I told him that I was just at the doctor, but he said that this was a different doctor. He said, “Dad, did you forget about your appointment again? You’ve been forgetful lately.” And I told him that my memory is as sharp as ever, and the only reason I get forgetful is because he’s always bothering me. I’ve got the memory of a cat. Always have, always will. Then he started rambling on about how we’ll need to discuss my forgetfulness with the doctor, so when he said that, I hung up on him. He knows very well that I won’t tolerate being spoken to like that.

When WordPress.com finally gets around to sending me my check for writing for them, the first thing I’m going to do is install a security system so my son can’t just show up at my house and start criticizing me whenever the spirit moves him. I am also getting tired of the people who keep sending me spam E-mails. And when you try to E-mail them back, they never reply. It’s like they vanish straight into thin air. Yes sir, I am getting quite tired of them. I feel so much better now that I’ve got all that off my chest. Sometimes you just need to express your frustrations and you’ll feel much better. Another thing I’m getting frustrated about is the local “tanning parlor” stuffing pamphlets into my door. I don’t know if you’ve been getting them at your place, but if you are, feel free to voice your objections in the comments box. There is never any censorship here, and that’s the truth!

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

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3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Charlie on August 12, 2010 at 10:05 am

    Hail fellow. Firstly, beg your pardon, but of all the absurd things I’ve ever heard of, reading a pamphlet of common sense takes the cake, but that’s just me.

    Secondly, solicitors aren’t all bad, and I know this from experience. Not long ago, I was driving my pickup into town to run some errands. While I was stopped at a traffic light, I noticed a group of Spanish men standing on the corner, and all of them were looking my way. One of them said, “trabajo,” and I understood that he wanted to work for me, which I thought very nice of him. I’ll admit I’m not as spry as I was when I worked for the sanitation department. Long story short, we went to the nursery, CVS, and Pathmark, and he helped me carry all of my parcels. When we got home, I had him change out the storm windows, and roll up our rugs for the summer and put them in the garage. He was a great help to me, and cheap, and I won’t hesitate to employ him again the next time I need a sack of soil or a case of Schaefer.

    As ever,
    Charlie

    Reply

  2. Posted by alter ebro on August 12, 2010 at 11:51 am

    Ahoy Codger,

    I am sorry to hear about your bad experience with the tanning parlor pamphlets left in your door. I, too, have had abhorrent pamphlet experiences. Recently I was walking down the street of Las Vegas, en route to a casino where I enjoy making monetary wagers, when I was accosted by a gentleman of questionable character. He sneakily placed a pamphlet in my hand and then whisked himself away before I could protest his action. The pamphlet contained female “nudie” pictures and a phone number that apparently I could call to request a meeting with the woman featured. Naturally, I called the number immediately to complain about the gentleman who had so rudely interrupted my jaunt to the gaming establishment. His actions were an outrage! And this poor woman could have been the victim of this man’s unsavory actions as well. The telephone operator (who I believe was likely one of those “outsourcers” from India or Pakhinesia) kindly referred me to the woman in the picture, who apparently was the ringleader of the operation. The operator set me up with a face-to-face meeting to air out my grievances, and this meeting was to occur 45 minutes from the time of my call. Now that’s customer service!

    Codger, I will skip ahead to the end of this story. Suffice it to say that the meeting with the woman went “well”, although she looked much different in person than in the picture. They say the camera puts on 20 pounds, but I submit that the opposite is true: the camera must take away 30-40 pounds. And apparently the camera can play tricks and change the color of your skin. The woman’s time was very valuable; she must have been the company CEO or something. My meeting cost about $100; I’m glad it didn’t cost 100 roses, because I am sure you are aware that roses are very, very expensive, especially during the period of the year not near Valentine’s Day, often costing in excess of $40 for twelve. The cost of 100 roses would have come to about $320 dollars. Luckily, the woman must have been allergic to roses and accepted cash in place of flowers. In short, be careful out there, because being accosted by shady characters with pamphlets will deplete your checking account.

    Anyhoo, as always, keep up the good work and keep fighting the good fight.

    Alter Ebro

    Reply

  3. Thank you all for your support. I am going to print these comments out on paper and take them with me the next time I go to see the doctor as evidence!

    Best,
    The Codger

    Reply

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