A fine morning from me to you. I certainly anticipate that my day today will be more routine than it was yesterday. As I recall, the very minute I sat down to eat my lunch, I got a call on the telephone (the house phone, not my cellular). It was the nurse at my granddaughter Fiona’s elementary school. As she explained, she had been unable to reach Fiona’s parents (probably because they have day jobs, unlike myself), and I was listed as the emergency contact in Fiona’s file. Fiona had taken ill at school and wanted to go home, and the nurse was calling me to inquire if I would be able to pick her up. How could I say no? Did I ever tell you why I call Fiona my “miracle granddaughter”? Why, yes I did.
By the time I picked up Fiona and brought her to my house, she was feeling quite a bit better. The test you have to do is to pinch the loose skin on the back of their hand. If it snaps back quickly, they’re fine. But if it doesn’t, then you have to call the doctor. To pass the time until her parents (my son Brian and his wife Tammy) could pick her up, we decided to hit the road on the Information Superhighway.
Fiona introduced me to her favorite video. It is a video of a delightful dog named Stains who was on television. It speaks for itself, but to get some more material to write about, I did some background research. It turns out that this video is actually what they call a “viral video”. Lots of people watch them, but as far as I’m concerned, a lot more people would watch them if they changed the name. As it stands, I would be afraid to watch a video knowing that it’s “viral” because it might give my computer a virus. From what I’ve seen on TV, these viruses can wreck your computer unless you have a program that uses an anti-virus. I spent all that money on one called McCafe, but now I see that McDonald’s Restaurant is giving them away with their coffees! I should’ve waited. The “viral video” I referred to earlier in this article of Stains the dog:
What a fine Sunday morning it is! As you have no doubt figured out already, I was not with you yesterday and my grandniece Tricia guest Blogged for this “lifestyle column”. The reason for this was that I wanted her to share her good news with you before you heard it someone else: Her friend Jessica, with whom she lives in my pop up trailer (along with their boyfriend Derek), had given birth to a new baby girl named Nevaeh. That’s “heaven” spelled backwards—how marvelously creative! When she gets to be of school age, she’ll certainly be the only one with that name in her class!
When I awoke this morning, the first thing I did was fix some breakfast. Then I went to the YouTube video search engine. YouTube is one of my favorite stations on the Internet. That’s why, when I turned it on this morning, I was surprised when I saw this ridiculous video of a young lady singing and crying like a crazy person. But then I realized that it looks just like my grandniece Tricia’s friend Jessica, the one I was just telling you about who gave birth to a new baby. Here is the video link:
If this isn’t Jessica in the video, I’ll eat my hat…she lived in my trailer in my own yard for over a month, and it’s the spitting image of her. Well, I don’t know why she loaded this video into the Internet, but it appears that some Spanish people got their hands on it and submitted it to YouTube. They even got her name wrong. They say it’s “Io Che Canto El Muelle De San Blas” when it’s really “Jessica”. And it looks like Jessica is suffering from what is known as postpartum depression. I am going to give Tricia a call right now to make sure that Jessica doesn’t need me to call Life Alert for her.
Ahoy to you this morning. As a favor to you all, I will be gracing you with the profile of another Exemplary Codger today. Today’s Exemplary Codger is probably known to you all from his popular television news program, “Jack Van Impe Presents”: It’s Jack Van Impe. According to the article written about him in the Wikipedia encyclopedia, Jack Van Impe was born in the year of our Lord 1931, which makes him a good, ripe age to qualify for Exemplary Codger status.
Mr. Van Impe, I mean Dr. Van Impe, received his doctorate from the unaccredited Pacific International University, as did his wife, the ray of sunshine Dr. Rexella Van Impe. Accredited universities might be fine and dandy for the masses, but an Exemplary Codger has that certain “je ne sequoia” to attend an unaccredited university and command the public’s recognition of his doctoral title. But degree or not, Jack Van Impe is smart enough that he can quote from the Bible word for word, even the verse numbers. That’s impressive stuff right there!
But what really sets Jack Van Impe apart as an Exemplary Codger is his continued commitment to covering the news story that the rapture is just around the corner, supporting that claim with current events. Most people couldn’t get away with covering the same story for years on end and be wrong most of the time, but Jack Van Impe can, without a doubt. And he and Rexella always make it FUN:
Hello again, and welcome. Before I head outside to harvest some lettuce from my victory garden, I’ve opted to give you another Exemplary Codger to contemplate and emulate during those peaceful little moments between doing things: country singer Kenny Rogers.
But Kenny Rogers wasn’t always the socially-acceptable codger we have all come to know and love. Not by a long shot. During my research, I unearthed evidence that seems to suggest he was once a full-blooded hippie, fronting a hippie band and making all sorts of nonsense hippie music videos and singing hippie nonsense lyrics:
Yes, I am as stunned as the rest of you. I never would have suspected Kenny Rogers of being the hippie type. Yet despite this adverse upbringing, he sorted himself out and became the respectable country music celebrity this lifestyle column can get behind, the kind that makes sensible music videos with other respectable singers like Dolly Parton, founder of Dollywood (the more responsible alternative to Hollywood):
Did you notice Kenny’s choice of lumberjack’s attire and codgerly gray beard? I’m sure you’ll agree that they’re a big improvement over his hippie days. Kenny Rogers: Living proof that it’s never too late to abandon the hippie lifestyle in favor of greener pastures.
A fine morning from me to you. I certainly anticipate that my day today will be more routine than it was yesterday. As I recall, the very minute I sat down to eat my lunch, I got a call on the telephone (the house phone, not my cellular). It was the nurse at my granddaughter Fiona’s elementary school. As she explained, she had been unable to reach Fiona’s parents (probably because they have day jobs, unlike myself), and I was listed as the emergency contact in Fiona’s file. Fiona had taken ill at school and wanted to go home, and the nurse was calling me to inquire if I would be able to pick her up. How could I say no? Did I ever tell you why I call Fiona my “miracle granddaughter”? Why, yes I did.
From the desk of The Codger 