Posts Tagged ‘computers’

Don’t Fall Victim To a Phishing Virus

A good day to you, dear readers. I would like to make a point of pointing out to you all something important I learned this morning. I was buying a special Christmas gift for the common-law Mrs. Codger this morning at the mall when the cashier asked me if I wanted to give her my E-mail address for their mailing list and to enter some sort of contest to win some sort of prize.

Well, I was all set to give it to her when the good Samaritan in line behind me piped up and told me about the dangers of a what is known as “phishing”. They spell it with a “ph” so people know it’s bad, not like recreational fishing. As I understand it, the phisher phishes your personal information and uses it to send you a virus that has a phishing scam in it. And if you get the virus, you’d better look out. You’ll be stuck paying a computer programmer large sums of money to fix your computer…a grave price, indeed.

When I got home, I decided it would be prudent to do some additional research into the matter. And what I found will blow the cover off the hippies’ so-called “peace and love” charade once and for all: It turns out that the people most responsible for phishing viruses are these tarted-up hippie delinquents: Phish.

That’s right, they’re in a band that flaunts its evil mission statement right there in its name for all the world to see! If this isn’t investigative journalism at its finest, I don’t know what is. Now where’s my Peabody Award?

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

The Codger Hears from Bill Gates

Good morning, dear readers. I have some excellent news to share with you this morning. I, The Codger, am the recipient of an E-mail from Bill Gates. Yes, THE Bill Gates, inventor of the computer and wealthiest man in the world, took time away from running his Cyber-McCompany to send yours truly an E-mail message.

I had no idea that Mr. Gates had such a spare writing style. His message reads, and I quote, “Congrats (£450,000 GBP).send your name,address,telephone to microsoftgame11@gala.net.” (Don’t worry, Mr. Gates, I’m not going to give my readers the E-mail address you sent me that message from. My E-mail program shows the sender’s address at the top of every message I load, and it’s not the same as the one you put in the message itself. So readers, don’t bother trying to write Mr. Gates at that E-mail, because it’s not his personal E-mail.).

Naturally, I submitted my information right away, and I made sure to ask how much money £450,000 GBP is in U. S. greenbacks. I haven’t heard what the exchange rate is lately, but I’m hoping it will at least be enough to spend a few days at the casinos. I didn’t win anything when I was there a few days ago, but with more money to invest there, that should change! After years of getting E-mails from Nigerian scammers, it’s about time that someone reputable should write me and award me my winnings in person!

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

The Codger Survives Childhood Illness

Good morning to you all, dear readers. Well now, I suppose you are all wondering why I wasn’t here with you yesterday. The answer is simple: My grandniece Tricia arrived yesterday, along with her housemates Derek and Jessica, and their newborn baby, Nevaeh. As soon as they got here, they came inside, where Nevaeh promptly vomited onto my computer.

It went everywhere: In between the keys and the buttons, into the speakers, into those buttons you can use instead of the mouse that I never use, into the paper clip storage compartment, into the disk slot, just everywhere. I cleaned it up as best I could, but by that point I thought it best to let the remainder dry on its own. And that’s what did the trick: I turned on my computer this morning, and it fired right up, just like usual. But as for yesterday, after the incident with Nevaeh’s vomiting, my creative process had been completely disrupted.

Not that I’m mad at Nevaeh, mind you, and you shouldn’t be either (even if she is the reason why you were deprived of your daily helping of The Codger’s pearls of wisdom, such as this very one you’re reading as we speak). This was my first time meeting Nevaeh, and I was very excited to meet her (since I’ve never met anyone else whose name was “Heaven” spelled backwards). Apparently she was a bit overly-excited to meet me. Perhaps her mother had read to her from my lifestyle column. I need to go spend some quality time with my new houseguests now.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

A Viral Video That Won’t Hurt Your Computer

A fine morning from me to you. I certainly anticipate that my day today will be more routine than it was yesterday. As I recall, the very minute I sat down to eat my lunch, I got a call on the telephone (the house phone, not my cellular). It was the nurse at my granddaughter Fiona’s elementary school. As she explained, she had been unable to reach Fiona’s parents (probably because they have day jobs, unlike myself), and I was listed as the emergency contact in Fiona’s file. Fiona had taken ill at school and wanted to go home, and the nurse was calling me to inquire if I would be able to pick her up. How could I say no? Did I ever tell you why I call Fiona my “miracle granddaughter”? Why, yes I did.

By the time I picked up Fiona and brought her to my house, she was feeling quite a bit better. The test you have to do is to pinch the loose skin on the back of their hand. If it snaps back quickly, they’re fine. But if it doesn’t, then you have to call the doctor. To pass the time until her parents (my son Brian and his wife Tammy) could pick her up, we decided to hit the road on the Information Superhighway.

Fiona introduced me to her favorite video. It is a video of a delightful dog named Stains who was on television. It speaks for itself, but to get some more material to write about, I did some background research. It turns out that this video is actually what they call a “viral video”. Lots of people watch them, but as far as I’m concerned, a lot more people would watch them if they changed the name. As it stands, I would be afraid to watch a video knowing that it’s “viral” because it might give my computer a virus. From what I’ve seen on TV, these viruses can wreck your computer unless you have a program that uses an anti-virus. I spent all that money on one called McCafe, but now I see that McDonald’s Restaurant is giving them away with their coffees! I should’ve waited. The “viral video” I referred to earlier in this article of Stains the dog:

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger