Greetings again, members of my audience who are present today. This morning I got a call on my cellular phone from my old buddy Bill. He was calling to tell me that he had read in the obituaries that a woman he thought I would remember, Clara or Cleo I think he said her name was, had died. I told him that I didn’t know who that was. Billy said that she went to the same school as us but had graduated a few years before we did. I told him that I definitely did not know her. He said the funeral is on Thursday, and he’s going.
We got to talking about the summer we went up to Prince Edward Island and had ourselves a real ball. Now that’s up in the Canadian Maritimes off the coast of Nova Scotia, and it was the summer of 1956. I remember it distinctly because that was the year when the rock and roll waltz was all the rage. Everywhere you turned, people were doing the rock and roll waltz. One, two, and then rock; one, two, and then roll. That’s how you do it. Billy and I practiced that waltz for days on end in our hotel room just so we could go dancing at the ballroom there and meet the young ladies! It was quite the place to be.
I haven’t been back to Prince Edward Island in years, but from what I hear, it was good until they opened that bridge to the mainland, which let the riffraff in. And once that Guernseybeat music (or whatever they called it) from England came in, most of the young people started dancing to that instead of the rock and roll waltz.
A fine Monday to you, my audience. I’ve heard word that Larry King will be leaving his talk show in short order, so I thought we should spend some time today talking about it. While I don’t know that I’d go so far as to call Larry King a codger “per say”—I’ve always considered him more of benign curmudgeon myself–I can’t say I’m happy to see another senior citizen’s program go off the air, especially when he still seems lucid most of the time. That’s more than can be said for many other seniors.
What really ruffles my feathers is that it looks like the CNN network will be replacing Larry King with someone younger. At the moment, the frontrunner jockeying for the position is Piers Morgan, a Brit. Being unfamiliar with him, I can’t offer my opinion except to say that he may not have the necessary level of maturity for the anchor chair due to his lack of age. If I were in charge at the CNN network, I would keep looking for some other candidates.
If they’re looking for somebody younger-looking but who is secretly a senior citizen, Joan Rivers would be a fine choice. You young people reading this probably don’t realize it, but Joan Rivers is, in fact, over age 40. I’d say she’s probably pushing 65 by now, considering I’ve been watching her on the TV for a good 30 years already. Another person I would consider is my pal Hiram. He used to host an A. M. radio program after the war. He doesn’t talk about it much, so I think he must’ve been a forerunner of what have come to be known as “shock jocks”. Hiram doesn’t have an agent, but if they advertise the opening in the newspaper classifieds, he can phone them himself. Just because he’s older doesn’t mean that he can’t make a few phone calls without an agent’s help.
But if they insist on going with a younger host, I would nominate that lady Flo from the insurance commercials. I like the way she talks to people. She is very nice, and also helpful. Had I known she works in that industry, I would have bought my reverse mortgage from her. That’s how good she is, and she would be just as good as a talk show host. Here, see for yourself:
Ahoy there, my neighbors in the Internet community. As you’re aware, I try my hardest to patronize local businesses I believe in, which is most of them except for those check cashing places. I don’t know who goes to those. When you have a check, you take it to the bank, and they don’t charge you anything to cash it like those check cashing places do. But somebody must be going to them because they sure have gotten popular in the last couple of years.
Well now, yesterday I was patronizing my local thrift store. They always carry a nice selection of hardware, and they keep it so organized. And the prices are exceptional. I think what happens is that somebody buys a hammer, uses it once, returns it, and the thrift store buys it. It’s a perfectly good hammer, as good as new. Well, after I picked out the hardware and pants I needed, I checked out and headed for the pharmacy. I would have been back home sooner, except there was a lot of traffic, I assume because at that time of day, a lot of people were out on their lunch break.
When I finally made it home, I unpacked my bag and realized that there was a music disc in with my hardware. I hadn’t purchased a music disc, so it must’ve fallen in the bag, unless the store was giving them away as a free gift for shopping there like the gas stations all used to do. They’d give you free keychains or glasses, but most of them have stopped doing that. When I was paying the clerk @ (at) the thrift store, I noticed that the counter area where you go to pay was awfully cluttered with a lot of items, so I believe the disc accidentally fell in. It’s called “The Heat” by the female rhythm and blues singer Toni Braxton, and being a great lover of music, I played it on my home compact disc player right away. It seems like the kind of music that appeals mainly to young people, but I found it very enjoyable myself. Here is a music video for one of my favorite songs on the disc, “He Wasn’t Man Enough”. It’s got a good beat, and I like the lyrics:
She sings, she dances, she can be a cartoon. This young lady can do it all! That’s how all the greats do it: They do all three things. I heard music blasting out of my grandniece Tricia’s friend Derek’s Camaro when they got home last night, and now I’m thinking that it may have been this very song. I’m going to ask him about it today. He seems like the type that would appreciate good music like this. Wouldn’t that be some coincidence if it was this song he was playing? Life works in strange ways sometimes.
Hello, readers. I’d like to open the floor to discussion of the dry conditions we’ve been experiencing. If you’re not careful, you could start a forest fire. Any old curwhibble you thoughtlessly toss away could turn into tomorrow’s kindling. All it takes is dry conditions and gutsy winds and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. When you’re out using your barbecue, you have to make sure not to get any lighter fluid on the ground, because if a spark sets it off, boy you’re in for some big trouble then.
And when you’re outside smoking, stop throwing your cigarette butts out into the forest without making sure they’re out. If that means stopping your car and stepping on the cigarette, then that’s what you’ve got to do. And if you make a campfire, always smother it with water or dirt after you’re done with it; don’t just leave it burning hoping that Mother Nature will take care of it with her rolling rapids, because she has better things to do, like protecting the environment:
Luckily, it looks like my local forecast is calling for calm winds for the next few days, but you never can be too safe. Be sure to check the fire advisories for your area and take steps to make your property more fire-safe, such as being careful with lighter fluid and putting out all cigarettes.
From the desk of The Codger 