My Lady Contractor Is Coming Over

Good morning, dear readership. I am happy to inform you that my lady contractor is coming over today, and not a moment too soon. When I stepped outside this morning, I noticed something plastic and shiny on my lawn. At first I thought my postman had missed my mailbox with my Valpak coupons, so I rushed out to collect them before anyone else could get them, since the grass was covered in dew and it wouldn’t take much for that envelope to fall apart. And once that happens, what’s to stop those coupons from blowing all over the place where anyone could get them, even people who haven’t take the time to subscribe to Valpak?

At any rate, it wasn’t my Valpak at all. It was worse than that: My Space Needle addition had fallen off my roof. I had heard a noise on the roof last night, but I had thought it was the squirrels. I picked the fallen comrade up off the grass and gave it a good once-over. In my professional opinion, the adhesive that had connected it to the roof had failed, causing it to topple in the first gutsy winds to come along. I’m not able to go up on my roof myself, so that’s why I need my lady contractor to come and do it for me.

As you know, I have long been planning to renovate my bathroom into a “Jack and Jill bathroom”. I’ve noticed that that’s the type of bathroom buyers prefer on all those home buying programs, so that’s what I’ve got to have. With all the money I get from my reverse mortgage, the least I could do is to put a little of it back into my property. So while I’ve got my lady contractor here on the premises, I plan to put her to work on that too.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

The Codger’s Guide To Renos

Ah, what a glorious day. Thanks for taking time out of your work-day or welfare life to join our little Codgery coterie. As the Home and Garden TV network reminds us every day, the single most important duty of homeowners is to perform what are known as “renos” (pronounciation key: rennos, from the abbreviation for “renovations”). These “renos” can be performed in any room of the house, be it kitchen, bathroom, parlor, sitting parlor, solarium, bedroom, but most frequently kitchen. A key feature of any successful reno must be the upgrades: laminated floors, neutral paints, stainless steel appliances, or, most importantly, the “on suite”: a coveted subset of “bonus room” usually filled with bath fixtures or a walk-in closet/pantry/butler’s pantry. Good homeowners are in a perpetual state of reno-ing, because even if they’re not selling, they’re increasing the appraised value of their primary investment. The way I see it (correctly), if you’re not reno-ing, you might as well be letting your ripe home wither on the vine.

By reno-ing, I know that I’m putting the funds I get from my government-insured reverse mortgage to their best possible use. I spent all yesterday afternoon tackling a big project in my kitchen. While I had every intention of installing an island and resurfacing the floor, time got the better of me and I did not get that far. Fortunately, my kitchen reno still managed to change the whole feel of the place, as I applied three coats of matte eggshell to create a stunning “accent wall”.

I also wanted to mention a new TV advertisement that appeals to both my senior citizen demographic and younger folks. It’s for the Toyota Avalon. I knew something good would come out of that recall. The nice young people in this ad do a wonderful job of instructing young people today how to speak and behave. And the whole storyline about going to the city perfectly matches the attitudes of young people like my grandson Max, who moved there. In this era where there are so many absentee parents, it’s nice to know that sometimes, TV is still there to step up to the plate.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger