Posts Tagged ‘parenting’

Watching Nevaeh All Day

Good day to you, dear friends. Well now, after spending yesterday watching over little Nevaeh, I am proud to report that I have successfully transferred guardianship of her back over to her mother, Jessica. Truth be told, I’m not as young as I used to be, and an entire day watching the little one wore me out!

It all started when Jessica, Tricia, and Derek left for the park. Jessica handed me Nevaeh and my paternal instincts kicked in right away. Those instincts told me that sometimes, a difficult youngster requires a woman’s touch. So I brought in the expert: the common-law Mrs. Codger. While she was assessing the situation, I headed over to the hardware store to buy some supplies for my next home “reno”. The clerk tried to sell me on some of that off-the-shelf stuff, but I demanded builder grade paint and countertops, the kind they only sell to the professional builders. Nothing but the best for my home! I told the clerk that I am good friends with a lady contractor, and that’s why it’s OK to sell me the builder grade stuff. The builder grade paint he sold me is the whitest white paint I’ve ever seen! It’s stunning. I also picked up what they call “naughty pine” paneling for my walls because I’ve heard them mention it on the Home and Garden TV Channel.

When I got home, Nevaeh had finally calmed down, so we all ate dinner together as a family (using our family values) and then watched some television until Tricia, Derek, and Jessica got home around 10:15. They said they had a fun time at the park, and that’s just about the time that I gave Nevaeh back to Jessica. I hope Jessica took full responsibility for her for the rest of the evening so that Derek had time to prepare mentally for his first day on the job as the new Secretary of My Home Land’s Security serving in my administration. 

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

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My Grandniece Is Coming Back to Live Here

A tip of the hat to you this morning. Did you do anything of interest over the weekend? I spoke with my grandniece Tricia yesterday, and that was undoubtedly the high water mark of my own. Of course, it was wonderfully refreshing hearing her voice, but unfortunately, it seems like things aren’t going so well for her at home. I point the finger squarely at her parents.

The situation unfolded as follows: As you know, Tricia, her boyfriend (and father of her future child) Derek, Derek’s other girlfriend Jessica, and Nevaeh (Derek and Jessica’s newborn daughter) had been living in my pop up trailer, which they parked in Tricia’s parents’ yard. Tricia is working very hard to finish up her home school studies so she can enroll at the University of Phoenix. And she can just take the trailer out to Phoenix and live in it out there. That’s one of the big advantages of living in a trailer.

As Tricia explained to me, her parents happened upon Derek exiting their residence through the window carrying a bag of food and some of Tricia’s mother’s good jewelry. They got all bent out of shape and thought that he was stealing from them. The logical conclusion would’ve been to think that Derek was taking the jewelry by accident, but Tricia’s parents aren’t exactly the rational type. In fact, her mother was probably keeping her jewelry in with her foodstuffs for some strange psychological reason and Derek didn’t realize he was taking it.

I told Tricia that there was no need to explain, and that I understood fully. She said her parents evicted them from their yard, so she, Derek, Jessica, and Nevaeh took the trailer to the parking lot of one of those stores that stays open 24 hours a day. I never understood that type of store myself, but I know they exist. Well, Tricia said that as long as one of them is shopping at the store at any point in time, the police can’t make them leave the parking lot. I told Tricia, I said, “No, no no. That won’t do. You’ll be taking too much time away from your studies. You must come live here at my house again. You are always welcome here.” They should be here in only a few days, and I could not be more thrilled. I haven’t seen Tricia since I’ve known she’s been pregnant. I wonder how big she’s gotten!

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Tricia and Derek Learn the Importance of Navigation


Good morning, my astute readers. If you’ve been keeping up with this “lifestyle column”, then you are sure to know that today is my final day camping with my grandson, granddaughter, grandniece, and three of her friends. It’s been a marvelous trip, though I had a touch of indigestion last night. Perhaps I overdid it on the pipinki mushrooms just a bit.

Yesterday we went on a long hike through the woods, and we spotted some squirrels and even a chipmunk. I’d swear I even saw a lark bunting, the state bird of Colorado, even though it’s not native these parts. I was so proud of the way that my grandson Max took the time to show his six-year-old little sister Fiona where to look up in the trees to see the birdies, and how he carried her on his shoulders when we were crossing a stream. What a terrific big brother! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: When Max is old enough to be a father, he’s going to be a great one. He’s only 23 though, so he’s got a few more years yet.

While we were hiking, my grandniece Tricia and her friend Derek managed to get themselves lost again. Derek’s girlfriend Jessica became very upset, but I think it was mostly because she’s pregnant. You know how emotional pregnant women can be, on account of all those hormones. Tricia and Derek somehow found their way back to the campsite before the rest of us; when we got back, they were already in the trailer. I teased them both for having no sense of direction (especially Derek, because he used to be in the Army), but I thought that it would be a great learning opportunity to teach them how to use a compass. I also taught them the difference between a compass and a compass rose. On the trip up to the campground, Derek and Jessica followed the rest of us in his Camaro, so when we leave in a few hours, I’m going to make Tricia ride with him instead and navigate, and the rest of us will follow them in my Caliber. That should teach them how to keep from getting lost.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

The Codger Buys a Trailer


A good morning to you, dear readers. Yesterday morning I was talking with my grandniece Tricia, and she had a grand idea. How appropriate “LOL”! She said it would be a good idea for me to invest in a trailer so we could all go camping together (myself, Tricia, my grandchildren Max and Fiona, and the common-law Mrs. Codger) and bond. That girl has quite a head on her shoulders, let me tell you. I would take advice from her any day of the week, because people like her always come out ahead. So we marched ourselves down to the recreational vehicle (R.V.) dealership to see their wares.

Of course, my Town And Country Van is starting to get older and I don’t know that I’d trust it on a long trip, so we had to look at trailers that the missus’ Caliber could tow…it’s a fast little car, mind you, but it doesn’t have the big engine like the Van has. We looked at a beautiful 26-foot trailer that had all the bells and whistles, including a section on the side that can pop out to make a bigger living room. It was a real beauty, I tell you.

I would have taken it on the spot, but the dealer said that he didn’t think our little Caliber could handle it. Fortunately, he noticed how much I liked the pop out room on the 26-footer and told me about a new kind of trailer that, instead of popping out, pops upward to expand. It’s called a “pop up trailer”. It’s small when you’re towing it, but when you want to camp in it, it expands to, I’d estimate about 300% of its size. You just have to turn a crank, like with the old cars.

I knew that this was the camper for me, so I signed on the dotted line, as they say, and towed it home with our new trailer hitch. I couldn’t be prouder. I parked it behind the house so the neighbor kids don’t try to tamper with it. F$#king b@st@rds, always tampering with my stuff. Parents today turn a blind eye to their kids’ bad behavior in the bat of an eye. It wasn’t like that 20, 30 years ago. I was just about to ask Tricia when she would like to schedule our big camping trip when I noticed she had sent me a text message saying that she was out with her new friends. That’s how young people prefer to communicate these days: texting. I sent her a response message to ask her when she wants to go camping, and she says the last weekend of June works for her. Can’t wait! It’ll be just like an episode of the TV program “Wagon Train”, except I’ll make an effort to remedy the errors of the past by making peace with any Native Americans we come across.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Spending Quality Time with Tricia


Hello again, dear readers. How are you doing? Things are going fine here. Yesterday, my grandniece Tricia told me that some of her luggage got stolen when she was disembarking the Greyhound she took here; by the time she got off the bus, someone had walked off with it, and it had a lot of her clothing in it. She’s been living here a whole week already, but I think I know the reason she didn’t tell me until yesterday: Her parents didn’t give her a lot of money for her summer semester with The Codger, and she was too ashamed to ask me to buy her some new clothes.

Well I won’t have any ward of The Codger wanting for a basic necessity like clothing, so I took Tricia to the shopping mall right away. As a young adult, I feel that it’s important to let her make her own decisions, so I let her go to the stores she wanted and use my Visa. We went to the Hot Topic store, where she got several t-shirts and some shorts, along with some costume jewelry and a pair of boots. The prices there I thought were very reasonable. We also went to Zumie’z. There they sell sweatshirts that have hoods. The kids call them “hoodies” now, but they’re charging $39 for them. $39 for a hooded sweatshirt with writing all over it, and it’s made in China! I thought that was ridiculous. With prices like that, I told Tricia she would be better off back at the Hot Topic store, but she really liked the Zumie ones, so she stood her ground and got some. Good for her! She’s got gumption, just like her granduncle! She also told me she hates Abercrombie & Finch’s, that store that smells like cologne just walking past it, so we didn’t have to go in there, thankfully.

Walking around, I noticed a lot of stores advertising that they sell “Webkinz”. I kept thinking to myself, “What are Webkinz?” I hadn’t the slightest idea, but Tricia taught me that they’re a kind of stuffed animal that you interact with on the Internet. I’m so glad that I’m learning as much from her as she’s learning from me. I’ll save you the details of how we got escorted out of the electronics shop (which I won’t name here) for breaking too much of the merchandise. If they didn’t want people to play with it, they shouldn’t keep it out on display like that. Seems like common sense to me.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

My Grandniece Is Coming To Spend The Summer Semester


Good morning, good citizens of the Web! I’m quite excited to pass along the exciting news I heard this morning: My grandniece Tricia is coming to live with me and the missus for the summer! Tricia and I have always been very close even though she lives way out there in Kansas. We chat online on A. O. L. Instant Messenger at least once a week. You see, Tricia was too advanced for her high school, and she was always bored in class. And you know what happens to teenagers when they get bored: They act out. It doesn’t take a psychologist to know that much. Well, her parents did the only thing they could do: They took her out of that high school and designed a custom home school curriculum just for her. Naturally, she excelled.

Well, Tricia messaged me from an “Online Café” in Illinois this morning to say that she had been all geared up to take an intensive summer school program, but her mother just couldn’t handle the pressure of teaching her such advanced material. It’s always a bit awkward when the pupil outshines the teacher! Tricia, being the wonderful young girl that she is, obviously did not want to make her own mother feel so inferior, so she decided to give her mother some breathing room and is heading out east on a Greyhound–that mother of hers has always been the emotionally fragile type, the type that doesn’t understand how to handle such a brilliant teenager…a teenager with a sense of adventure to boot!

Tricia then asked if she could spend her summer semester “abroad” with The Codger. How could I say no? What I lack in teaching experience I more than make up for in life experience. My grandson Max spent a semester abroad in Amsterdam when he was in art school and it was a wonderful experience for him. He ended up meeting some people there who still buy his hand-blown glass products today over the Internet! If Tricia’s experience is half as successful as Max’s, I expect she will have a very educational summer. I’m thinking of having her write some entries on this blog as part of her assignments, so when she does, be sure to give her a warm welcome. She said she was going to meet with some friends in Ohio (friends she met through the Internet no less!) for a few days, but she’ll be here by next Monday. I cannot wait! It will do this Codger good to have some youthful energy living in this house again.

I just made vacation reservations to stay a few days at a hotel down the shore later this week, so look for some “long-distance” blog articles here; that is, if the hotel has the Internet like it advertises on its blog…well I’m sure it does, since the hotel has a blog in the first place! I highly doubt there are any “Online Cafes” at the shore.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

My Miracle Granddaughter’s Visit


A good day to you. Speaking of good days, I had a good day yesterday with my six-year-old granddaughter, Fiona. She’s my grandson Max’s younger sister. You remember Max…I’ve written about him here before, and he filled in by blogging for me once in my absence. You remember…he goes by the name “M-Fixie” instead of his given name. Anyhow, I always call Fiona my “miracle granddaughter” because, in the 17 years after Max was born, his parents always swore up and down that they would never have another child (Max was a bit of a handful, especially as a teenager—he would run with the wrong crowd, especially that secret girlfriend he would sneak off with to the art supply store…nothing harmful of course, just the usual teenage behavior).

Well, despite the claims of her parents, fate had different plans, and one day Fiona showed up. I couldn’t even tell her mother had been expecting, and she never told me, so it was a complete surprise. She didn’t show at all, and I have a hunch she didn’t know herself. Not showing must run on her side of the family (she’s my daughter-in-law). I keep telling her, I say, “Tammy, you should try out for that show about mothers who didn’t know they were expecting so you can tell your story.” But, without fail, she changes the subject. She’s always been a touch shy. And that’s why I call Fiona my “miracle granddaughter”.

Max dropped her off at my house yesterday afternoon. Max and Fiona have a very special bond, I think because the 17-year age difference cements them together. Max is now mature enough to have a sibling without any of that pesky “sibling rivalry” nonsense. In a way, Max is almost a second father figure to her. They look so much alike, and it does this old Codger good to know that when Max is finally old enough to have children of his own, he’ll do a great job raising them.

The first thing we did when Fiona got here was to go out for ice cream. Ordinarily, we would’ve driven, but because I’m training for my big half-marathon at the mall next week, we walked. The common-law Mrs. Codger came along, and Hannah Montana, my Welsh corgi, came along too. Fiona named her, you know. I liked the name because of its clever rhyme, and Fiona liked it because it’s the name of her favorite TV starlet (which I did not find out until later). After that, we had to get back to the house because Judge Judy was coming on. Later, we went to a duck pond, where we fed the swans, or, as Fiona calls them, the “honk honk ducks”. I’ll be darned if she didn’t inherit the Codger family sense of observational wit! I know she’s going to grow up to make us incredibly proud, just like her big brother.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger