Posts Tagged ‘renovations’

My Space Needle Addition Fell Off Again

Greetings once again, old salts. When I was your age, we actually had old salts. It’s not like it is nowadays when what you really have yourselves are just a bunch of “pleasure fishermen”. They go out on their boats and lounge around all day drinking fancy drinks and, to speak in the most general terms, not earning their keep.

Back in my time, not even the captain could get away with that kind of behavior, and if he even attempted it, it would have been a scandal of the highest magnitude. Well, that’s nautical law for you.

I know that yesterday I was talking about doing some additional renos to my house, and now I have another to add to my list. I suppose I’ll have to have my lady contractor over sooner rather than later. You see, with all the wind we had yesterday, my Space Needle addition fell off the roof again. That Space Needle—what a piece of space junk! I can count on one hand the number of times (twice, I believe) it’s fallen off so far, and it’s only been up there a couple of months!

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

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Watching Nevaeh All Day

Good day to you, dear friends. Well now, after spending yesterday watching over little Nevaeh, I am proud to report that I have successfully transferred guardianship of her back over to her mother, Jessica. Truth be told, I’m not as young as I used to be, and an entire day watching the little one wore me out!

It all started when Jessica, Tricia, and Derek left for the park. Jessica handed me Nevaeh and my paternal instincts kicked in right away. Those instincts told me that sometimes, a difficult youngster requires a woman’s touch. So I brought in the expert: the common-law Mrs. Codger. While she was assessing the situation, I headed over to the hardware store to buy some supplies for my next home “reno”. The clerk tried to sell me on some of that off-the-shelf stuff, but I demanded builder grade paint and countertops, the kind they only sell to the professional builders. Nothing but the best for my home! I told the clerk that I am good friends with a lady contractor, and that’s why it’s OK to sell me the builder grade stuff. The builder grade paint he sold me is the whitest white paint I’ve ever seen! It’s stunning. I also picked up what they call “naughty pine” paneling for my walls because I’ve heard them mention it on the Home and Garden TV Channel.

When I got home, Nevaeh had finally calmed down, so we all ate dinner together as a family (using our family values) and then watched some television until Tricia, Derek, and Jessica got home around 10:15. They said they had a fun time at the park, and that’s just about the time that I gave Nevaeh back to Jessica. I hope Jessica took full responsibility for her for the rest of the evening so that Derek had time to prepare mentally for his first day on the job as the new Secretary of My Home Land’s Security serving in my administration. 

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

My “Renos” are Complete

Hello again today. Like I was telling you yesterday, my lady contractor was coming over to help me with some things around the house. When she got here, I handed her my Space Needle. It was sad seeing it in such a state, not on my roof. But when she got done working her magic, it was standing proud once again, providing beauty and Googie to the neighborhood. It was a good thing we had built that Space Needle replica so strong in the first place: It survived that fall without a scratch on it.

After we got done with that “reno”, we moved on to the bathroom, which we were turning into a “Jack and Jill bathroom”. I decided to handle the Jack part, while my lady contractor worked on the Jill portion. I took out my paints, distributed the brushes, and we got to work. I must say that my portrait of Jack on the left side of the wall nicely compliments my lady contractor’s rendering of Jill on the right side. I can see why home buyers want this type of bathroom. Through these renovations, I am creating a veritable gold mine for my son Brian when he inherits this house one day…that is, unless the inheritance skips a generation and goes right to my grandson Max, much like the British crown is widely expected to do.

On her way out, we decided that my lady contractor is coming back next week to help me rebuild my mailbox beehive, which the bees have destroyed by boring into the wooden base. It has become hard to approach the site of the debris, since the bees are still living in it and seem highly agitated.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

My Lady Contractor Is Coming Over

Good morning, dear readership. I am happy to inform you that my lady contractor is coming over today, and not a moment too soon. When I stepped outside this morning, I noticed something plastic and shiny on my lawn. At first I thought my postman had missed my mailbox with my Valpak coupons, so I rushed out to collect them before anyone else could get them, since the grass was covered in dew and it wouldn’t take much for that envelope to fall apart. And once that happens, what’s to stop those coupons from blowing all over the place where anyone could get them, even people who haven’t take the time to subscribe to Valpak?

At any rate, it wasn’t my Valpak at all. It was worse than that: My Space Needle addition had fallen off my roof. I had heard a noise on the roof last night, but I had thought it was the squirrels. I picked the fallen comrade up off the grass and gave it a good once-over. In my professional opinion, the adhesive that had connected it to the roof had failed, causing it to topple in the first gutsy winds to come along. I’m not able to go up on my roof myself, so that’s why I need my lady contractor to come and do it for me.

As you know, I have long been planning to renovate my bathroom into a “Jack and Jill bathroom”. I’ve noticed that that’s the type of bathroom buyers prefer on all those home buying programs, so that’s what I’ve got to have. With all the money I get from my reverse mortgage, the least I could do is to put a little of it back into my property. So while I’ve got my lady contractor here on the premises, I plan to put her to work on that too.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

The Codger’s Inspirational Kitchen “Reno”


A good day to all my dear readers on the Internet. I hope that you had an enjoyable weekend and that no ill fortune befell you or your kin. I spent a considerable portion of my weekend contemplating my latest home renovation, or “reno”, in order to maximize its inspiration level for the rest of my neighborhood. What I came up with was to reno my kitchen by installing an island. The reason why I decided on a kitchen island is that my kitchen table is too small for me and my lady contractor to effectively work on building my miniature Space Needle, a project whose inspiration level for the neighborhood, once completed, will be too great to be measured.

There are several ways one can go about adding an island to a pre-existing kitchen. There have to be two parts: the support mechanism and the top. You can experiment with different colors and materials: Wood, metal, concrete, granite, tile…nothing is off limits. Of course, everyone has already thought of all those materials already, so I had to be more creative.

That’s why I came up with my own idea for an island. I went into my “great room” and moved my set of folding TV trays into the kitchen. Then I opened them all up at once and pushed them all together in the middle of the kitchen to form an island-like structure. I bet no one thought of that idea before! In a way, it’s almost a form of recycling. Now me and my lady contractor won’t suffer from a lack of “space” when constructing my “Space” Needle.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Taking Hannah Montana to the Dog Park


Hello to you today. How have you been? Have you been getting enough rest and exercise? My Welsh corgi Hannah Montana has been getting enough exercise. Yesterday I took her to the dog park, where we successfully intermingled with other dog/owner pairs. Without a doubt, my Hannah Montana had a better time there than the time I took her to the skating park.

If it were up to me, I’d knock down a few of those new pharmacies that keep springing up and replace them with dog parks. They would probably be just as beneficial for people’s health as the pharmacies, but that’s just my opinion. You’d just wake up, eat some hen fruit for breakfast (not the salmonella ones), pat your dog on the head, and breathe a few deep breaths of fresh park air. That’s something that not even Medicare can take away.

On the way home, I surveyed my block for suspicious activity. I didn’t notice anything too suspicious. I also kept an eye open to see if any of my neighbors had begun making the home improvements I recently suggested they make. I didn’t see anything yet, so perhaps I need to set a stronger example. That’s why I’ve decided to undertake my latest kitchen “reno” later today. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Preparing For My Space Needle Addition


Good morning to you on this grand Tuesday. Over the past several days, I’ve met with a few contractors to get their estimates for installing that Space Needle addition on my roof I told you about before. The longer I’ve been thinking about it, the more I’ve been looking forward to it. You know, for as many news stories as I see about the construction industry being desperate for work, you’d think more of them would have returned my calls. I didn’t hear back from four of them at all!

The first contractor I met with showed me a beautiful plan for a Space Needle on my roof, just like I asked for. I didn’t like him from the start because he showed up at my house both times wearing casual sandals. I had my mind made up that I wasn’t going to go with him well before he got around to announcing his estimated price of $800,000. Then, the second contractor politely declined to take on the project because it wasn’t his area of expertise. Since he was polite about it, I wasn’t terribly disappointed.

Fortunately, the third contractor and I really hit it off. She’s a lady contractor…I think she’s from the Isle of Lesbos, if you know what I mean. The way I see it, that could add some real international flavor to the addition. I told her all about my initiative to increase curb appeal in my neighborhood, and she said that I should try to get some of my neighbors to renovate their homes to look more like Sea-Tac, the Seattle airport, in keeping with the Washington state motif. I told her that I remembered the real Sea-Tac, back when it was a nautical adhesive. You could use it to patch up your hull or reattach your rudder to your tiller and away you’d go. After listening to my concerns, she said she’s going to help me build a miniature scale Space Needle replica at my kitchen table, and she’ll be the one to climb the ladder and attach it to my roof in place of my rusty old weathervane. It’s not what I was initially expecting (a room I could inhabit), but it should have the same effect. I really admired her unconventional solution to my commonplace demands.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger