Posts Tagged ‘teenagers’

Watching Nevaeh All Day

Good day to you, dear friends. Well now, after spending yesterday watching over little Nevaeh, I am proud to report that I have successfully transferred guardianship of her back over to her mother, Jessica. Truth be told, I’m not as young as I used to be, and an entire day watching the little one wore me out!

It all started when Jessica, Tricia, and Derek left for the park. Jessica handed me Nevaeh and my paternal instincts kicked in right away. Those instincts told me that sometimes, a difficult youngster requires a woman’s touch. So I brought in the expert: the common-law Mrs. Codger. While she was assessing the situation, I headed over to the hardware store to buy some supplies for my next home “reno”. The clerk tried to sell me on some of that off-the-shelf stuff, but I demanded builder grade paint and countertops, the kind they only sell to the professional builders. Nothing but the best for my home! I told the clerk that I am good friends with a lady contractor, and that’s why it’s OK to sell me the builder grade stuff. The builder grade paint he sold me is the whitest white paint I’ve ever seen! It’s stunning. I also picked up what they call “naughty pine” paneling for my walls because I’ve heard them mention it on the Home and Garden TV Channel.

When I got home, Nevaeh had finally calmed down, so we all ate dinner together as a family (using our family values) and then watched some television until Tricia, Derek, and Jessica got home around 10:15. They said they had a fun time at the park, and that’s just about the time that I gave Nevaeh back to Jessica. I hope Jessica took full responsibility for her for the rest of the evening so that Derek had time to prepare mentally for his first day on the job as the new Secretary of My Home Land’s Security serving in my administration. 

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

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Kids Just Want To Be Kids

Finest greetings to you this morn. Somehow, you find yourself reading this lifestyle column, From the Desk of The Codger, written exclusively by myself (The Codger). I don’t know if all of you have this button on your computer or not, but it’s for the “^”. I don’t know what that’s called, but I know it’s French. On my computer, it’s on the same button as the number 6. Now I’m not in France, and I don’t see why I would ever need that “^” button, so why do they make it standard equipment? I would much rather have a button for the cent sign. That way I wouldn’t ever have to write all money amounts less than a dollar as “dollar sign, zero, decimal point, amount”…would save a lot of time and megabytes.

 Not to mention all the catalogs I’ve been getting in the mail lately. Catalogs for stores I’ve never even set foot in! It’s ridiculous.

My grandniece Tricia’s friend Jessica has asked me to babysit her baby daughter Nevaeh tomorrow (her name is “heaven” spelt backwards). It’ll be good practice for when Tricia’s baby arrives. Jessica said that she, Tricia, and their babies’ father Derek want to spend the afternoon at the park just being kids and having fun. I told her, I said, “Don’t think twice about it. You kids go out and have fun.” Derek’s job as Secretary of My Home Land’s Security starts on Monday, so I hope he enjoys his last moments of freedom while they last! 

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

My Grandniece Is Coming Back to Live Here

A tip of the hat to you this morning. Did you do anything of interest over the weekend? I spoke with my grandniece Tricia yesterday, and that was undoubtedly the high water mark of my own. Of course, it was wonderfully refreshing hearing her voice, but unfortunately, it seems like things aren’t going so well for her at home. I point the finger squarely at her parents.

The situation unfolded as follows: As you know, Tricia, her boyfriend (and father of her future child) Derek, Derek’s other girlfriend Jessica, and Nevaeh (Derek and Jessica’s newborn daughter) had been living in my pop up trailer, which they parked in Tricia’s parents’ yard. Tricia is working very hard to finish up her home school studies so she can enroll at the University of Phoenix. And she can just take the trailer out to Phoenix and live in it out there. That’s one of the big advantages of living in a trailer.

As Tricia explained to me, her parents happened upon Derek exiting their residence through the window carrying a bag of food and some of Tricia’s mother’s good jewelry. They got all bent out of shape and thought that he was stealing from them. The logical conclusion would’ve been to think that Derek was taking the jewelry by accident, but Tricia’s parents aren’t exactly the rational type. In fact, her mother was probably keeping her jewelry in with her foodstuffs for some strange psychological reason and Derek didn’t realize he was taking it.

I told Tricia that there was no need to explain, and that I understood fully. She said her parents evicted them from their yard, so she, Derek, Jessica, and Nevaeh took the trailer to the parking lot of one of those stores that stays open 24 hours a day. I never understood that type of store myself, but I know they exist. Well, Tricia said that as long as one of them is shopping at the store at any point in time, the police can’t make them leave the parking lot. I told Tricia, I said, “No, no no. That won’t do. You’ll be taking too much time away from your studies. You must come live here at my house again. You are always welcome here.” They should be here in only a few days, and I could not be more thrilled. I haven’t seen Tricia since I’ve known she’s been pregnant. I wonder how big she’s gotten!

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

A Fine Monday To You


Greetings to you all today. Goodness gracious, I am still in shock from my grandniece Tricia announcing her pregnancy the day before yesterday. I’ll admit, at first I felt ever-so-slightly critical of Tricia getting pregnant, on account of her being a teenager and the baby’s father already having another pregnant girlfriend. But now that I know Tricia is not a “home-wrecker” and she truly wants a baby, I would not dream of depriving her of this dream of hers. After all, no one knows a woman’s body better than she herself.

My lady contractor is coming over today and we’re going to be putting the finishing touches on my miniature Space Needle that’s going on my roof. I’m not sure that we’ll get it up there today, but if not today, then probably tomorrow. I don’t know if she knows anything about this or not, but since my Space Needle will be up in the sky, I’m wondering if I’ll be able to arrange for it to carry SkyMall magazine like they do in airplanes. That seems to me to be the best way to show everyone that my Space Needle has really “arrived”. If she doesn’t know, I’m going to have to go down to the library and ask the librarian.

As I conclude today’s article for this lifestyle column, I would like to leave you with a quote. As a famous person once said, “crack is whack.”

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Congratulations on Your Pregnancy, Tricia


Good morning, dear readers. Well now, speaking personally, I must admit that the surprise of learning that my grandniece Tricia is pregnant yesterday still hasn’t fully worn off. I suppose it’s a sign of the times that she announced it electronically right here on this Blog (and thus on the Internet, because Blogs, by definition, have to be on the Internet). I remember when you wouldn’t know a woman was pregnant until the baby showed up…well that’s how it happened when my son Brian’s wife Tammy was pregnant with my granddaughter Fiona six years ago. Maybe if she had been on the Internet back then, we all would have known sooner. Myself, I thought that she had stopped having kids after she had my grandson Max 17 years earlier…after all, he was a tough act to follow!

Anyhow, I want to congratulate Tricia on her pregnancy, as well as her plan to raise her baby along with its father Derek and Derek’s other pregnant girlfriend Jessica’s baby. Families come in all shapes and sizes, you know. Although I generally believe that teen pregnancy is a major blight on our society, I also know that when it does happen, it was meant to be. I’m sure Tricia must have tried her hardest to prevent becoming pregnant, but all those pills and condoms failed for a simple reason: Her destiny in life was to become a teenage mother. Tricia, I am so proud of you, and I know that Derek will be a wonderful father.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Goodbye and Good Luck, Tricia


Good morning, dear readers. Here is a newsflash for you: My grandniece Tricia has decided to attend college! I could not be prouder. She’s chosen the University of Phoenix as her future alma mater. She’ll love Phoenix…they have beautiful weather there. We had a long chat yesterday, and she has her plan all mapped out.

Before she starts college, she has to go home to Kansas and take another semester of classes in her home school program so she can graduate early (it would have been two semesters if not for our summer school!). She’ll have to hunker down to fit everything in, but I know she can do it. Then she’ll graduate early and will be free to move out to the University of Phoenix’s campus. I know they’re a top school, but they should nevertheless consider themselves fortunate to have a pupil as bright as Tricia select their institution.

The only problem with Tricia’s plan was that she had nowhere to live when she gets home to Kansas. You see, her parents have converted her bedroom into a home bar. What kind of teenager wants to live in a bar? That was very shortsighted of her parents, if you ask me. So I promised Tricia that she can borrow my pop up trailer and live in that. Then she can take it out to Phoenix so she’ll have somewhere to live while she’s attending college.

I hadn’t thought of how she’ll get the trailer to Kansas, but she told me later that she had a chat with Derek, who has been living in it for the past few months, and he offered to pull it with his Camaro. His pregnant girlfriend Jessica is apparently also going along to help out. I don’t think their relationships with their parents have improved since they moved into the trailer, so they might have to bunk with Tricia for a few months in Kansas until they’ve patched things up with their families.

In order to get started on her studies right away, Tricia has decided to set sail for Kansas this very afternoon. Although I am sad to see them go, I predict nothing but blue skies and a bright for both Tricia and her friends. Please join me in wishing them luck and safe travels! Of course, we’ll all miss her greatly, but I couldn’t let her leave without making her promise me that she’ll still take the time to “guest blog” for this lifestyle column once in a while!

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Tricia’s Birthday Had Its Highs and Lows


Good morning to you, dear readers. Well I suppose after yesterday’s article, I am obligated to tell you the nitty-gritty of what happened at my grandniece Tricia’s 16th birthday celebration yesterday, which I will now do. The evening started well enough, but if you are inclined to become overly emotional, I would skip the last paragraph.

Tricia, our birthday girl, ordered a Shirley Temple cocktail, and they made it with real maraschinoed cherries! I ordered a stinger. Hadn’t had one of those in years. For the toast, I told everyone the story of how they used to throw 16 year old virgins into volcanoes, so Tricia had better watch out! Derek and Jessica and Tricia all found my toast story very amusing. They were laughing so hard that I couldn’t even finish the toast!

When the waiter came around to take my order, I told him I wanted the beef with lyonnaise all over it. My son Brian, who was sitting next to me, said, “Dad, you’re talking nonsense again! Now tell the waiter what you want.” And I told Brian, “Lyonnaise. It’s right here on the menu.” And I put that menu right in front of his face so he could see that I knew exactly what I was talking about. And boy was that lyonnaise good. As a matter of fact, I’m going to make the switch from mayonnaise to lyonnaise from now on and order it on everything.

After dinner, it was time for Tricia to open her presents. Her friend Jessica got her a beautiful necklace. Jessica’s boyfriend Derek said that he had Tricia’s present waiting for her in the pop up trailer at home. Brian, his wife Tammy, and their daughter Fiona got her a gift certificate (I’m sure that was Fiona’s idea). I know that Tricia had been telling me she wanted a corset like the model Bettie Page used to wear. I decided to find her a more age-appropriate substitute, so I got her what is known as a “Spanx Girdle” (the lady at the store said that all the women on TV wear them nowadays, even Oprah Winfrey, and it’s much more modest than Bettie Page’s corsets). Tricia became very upset when she took it out of the box, so we decided to skip going to see Twilight Eclipse and went right home. Later that night, I went out to the pop up camper to check on Tricia. The door was locked but I heard some noise coming from inside, so I’m guessing that she was talking out her problems with Derek and Jessica. Good for her—she’s such a level-headed girl.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger