Ahoy, dear readers. I apologize for not writing an article for you yesterday. The day started off on a bad note: I bought the local newspaper solely for the purpose of reading about the victory of my favored candidate, Jimmy McMillan of the Rent Is Too Damn High Party. I was quite alarmed to find that the newspaper didn’t make a single mention of him!
Undaunted, I took to the Internet for answers. I had to go all the way to the Google Search Engine to get answers! Can you imagine that? But here is the answer I found: McMillan lost the race. However, it was a close race and he received over 40,000 votes (thanks, in no small part I’m sure, to my “advertorial” Blogging efforts. With those kind of numbers, it looks like my whole town voted McMillan!). Next election, he might even run for mayor. Mr. McMillan, should you decide to run for office, you have my vote (again).
But then the news got even worse. My grandniece Tricia called me from her cellular phone saying that the father of her upcoming baby, Derek, was in police custody and needed me to bail him out. Apparently there was a bit of a misunderstanding and a confused woman thought she caught him trying to steal her vehicle. Then the authorities showed up, and they misunderstood the entire situation and placed Derek under arrest. I believe they accused him of being some type of ninja (the dangerous type). Fortunately, he’s back home again now so he can help take care of Tricia, Jessica, and baby Nevaeh. If he had been stuck in jail, he wouldn’t have been able to clean their room today, which I asked him to do. It has become a bit messy.
Kind hellos to you all today. I just got back from the polls, where I did more than my part to support the Rent Is Too Damn High Party. On this Election Day, we all have to be careful to thwart the attempts by the hippie parties to grab the brass ring of power. I have certainly noticed them trying their hardest of late. Their method is insidious: To brainwash people through the mainstream media. And they’re starting to go after younger and younger voters. I present as evidence this advertising program for Luvs Diapers:
You know we’re in a sad state when the hippie parties are turning diapers into politically-charged attire. I’d like to see those grass-roots babies try and plan another Woodstock Festival on their own without the Party’s help. It wouldn’t happen! Those diapers-wearing babies don’t have the technology to do it. And that’s how you know it’s the Party bosses that are behind the whole thing, pushing their hippie agenda. Don’t be fooled! If you vote the hippies back into power, you’re going to regret it.
A very pleasant Monday to you, dear readers. I am positively wrapped with guilt for not being with you this weekend. You see, me and the missus decided to take a romantic spur-of-the-moment “staycation” (buzzword) to Atlantic City just like we used to do. In case you were wondering, I lost. And to add insult to injury, when we got back, I fired up my computer only to find that there was something wrong with it: There was a message on the screen telling me that I had to restart even though I’d just turned it on. I didn’t like the sounds of that…that’s exactly the kind of thing the dreaded “computer virus” would tell you to do, so I called my grandson Max and he came over to fix it. While I was away, a major news story broke and I wanted to make sure that you were aware of it. That is my duty as a professional, impartial journalist. New York State gubernatorial candidate Jimmy McMillan of the Rent Is Too Damn High Party is the story:
At first, I was saddened that such a quintessential codger had made such an impact on news and politics. Here was a codger that, by some accounts, was superior to myself. I thought to myself, “How can I carry on?” But then I remembered that all we codgers are in this game together. A vote for Jimmy McMillan is a vote for me, The Codger. So remember to vote for Jimmy McMillan this election, even if you have to write his name in on the ballot. I’m going to change my party affiliation to the Rent Is Too Damn High Party, but I’m going to wait until after the election so there’s no confusion with my registration. You are allowed to vote for people who aren’t in your registered party, you know.
Ahoy, dear readers. I apologize for not writing an article for you yesterday. The day started off on a bad note: I bought the local newspaper solely for the purpose of reading about the victory of my favored candidate, Jimmy McMillan of the Rent Is Too Damn High Party. I was quite alarmed to find that the newspaper didn’t make a single mention of him!
From the desk of The Codger 