Posts Tagged ‘pregnancy’

Tricia’s Mind Almost Tricked Her Into Giving Birth

Hello and ahoy, dear readers. Did you take the time to read my grandson Max’s guest Blog for this here “lifestyle column” yesterday? Well, you should have. He talked all about his art. If he keeps up his pace, he’s going to become the new Jackson Polanski. You know, the one who splattered paint all over the walls and called it art, because it was…regular people just needed to be told it was for them to realize it.

As Max told you, I had to go to the store yesterday morning. I had to pick up some kibble for Hannah Montana, a tube of Dr. Rembrandt’s Tooth Paste, a box of oatmeal, and a few other sundries. Did I tell you that my groatmeal I ordered over the Internet came in the mail the other day? It did. Turns out, it was bird feed. I gave the rest of it to the birds outside, but that left meal without a meal! That’s why I had to pick up the oatmeal. It might be a while before I give groatmeal another try.

Well, no sooner did I walk in the door than I heard my grandniece Tricia making all kinds of a ruckus. Now, I’ve gotten used to Tricia and her friends making noise around the house, but this took the cake! She was screaming that the baby’s coming! When we got her to the clinic, the good doctor told us she was having what are known in medical circles as “Braxton Hicks Contractions” and that she wasn’t really having the baby. It was all in her mind. She must get that from her mother’s side of the family…that mother of hers has always been a touch on the nervous side. After that, I was so relieved that I went to get the car while Tricia finished up with the doctor. I believe that it was only the contractions that she was imagining, not the entire pregnancy. I’m going to ask her to guest Blog for you again tomorrow to tell her side of the story.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

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A Fine Monday To You


Greetings to you all today. Goodness gracious, I am still in shock from my grandniece Tricia announcing her pregnancy the day before yesterday. I’ll admit, at first I felt ever-so-slightly critical of Tricia getting pregnant, on account of her being a teenager and the baby’s father already having another pregnant girlfriend. But now that I know Tricia is not a “home-wrecker” and she truly wants a baby, I would not dream of depriving her of this dream of hers. After all, no one knows a woman’s body better than she herself.

My lady contractor is coming over today and we’re going to be putting the finishing touches on my miniature Space Needle that’s going on my roof. I’m not sure that we’ll get it up there today, but if not today, then probably tomorrow. I don’t know if she knows anything about this or not, but since my Space Needle will be up in the sky, I’m wondering if I’ll be able to arrange for it to carry SkyMall magazine like they do in airplanes. That seems to me to be the best way to show everyone that my Space Needle has really “arrived”. If she doesn’t know, I’m going to have to go down to the library and ask the librarian.

As I conclude today’s article for this lifestyle column, I would like to leave you with a quote. As a famous person once said, “crack is whack.”

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Congratulations on Your Pregnancy, Tricia


Good morning, dear readers. Well now, speaking personally, I must admit that the surprise of learning that my grandniece Tricia is pregnant yesterday still hasn’t fully worn off. I suppose it’s a sign of the times that she announced it electronically right here on this Blog (and thus on the Internet, because Blogs, by definition, have to be on the Internet). I remember when you wouldn’t know a woman was pregnant until the baby showed up…well that’s how it happened when my son Brian’s wife Tammy was pregnant with my granddaughter Fiona six years ago. Maybe if she had been on the Internet back then, we all would have known sooner. Myself, I thought that she had stopped having kids after she had my grandson Max 17 years earlier…after all, he was a tough act to follow!

Anyhow, I want to congratulate Tricia on her pregnancy, as well as her plan to raise her baby along with its father Derek and Derek’s other pregnant girlfriend Jessica’s baby. Families come in all shapes and sizes, you know. Although I generally believe that teen pregnancy is a major blight on our society, I also know that when it does happen, it was meant to be. I’m sure Tricia must have tried her hardest to prevent becoming pregnant, but all those pills and condoms failed for a simple reason: Her destiny in life was to become a teenage mother. Tricia, I am so proud of you, and I know that Derek will be a wonderful father.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger