A hearty “hello” to you today. You know what I decided you need yesterday? A Live Blog of a typical day in the life of The Codger, so you can structure your own daily routine after it. It had been a while since my last Live Blog (back when I live blogged my colon cleanse), and so I thought it was about time for another one. I carried around a pen and paper with me as I went about my daily activities yesterday; I have now transcribed my notes here onto the Internet for you to read.
10: 43 AM: I decided to live blog my activities
10:46 AM: I thought it was stuffy in here, so I opened a window. What we need around here is a good Alberta Clipper. They come down from what they used to call the “Prairie Provinces” in Canada and clean up the air.
10:50 AM: I went to the W. C.
10:59 AM: I sat down to watch The Price Is Right. I don’t like this new host, Drew Carey. He doesn’t take the show seriously enough. That’s what you get when you hire a comedian. I suppose I grew to enjoy Bob Barker over the years, but I miss Bill Cullen hosting. The contestants had to wear a suit and tie to get on TV back in those days, and they didn’t jump around and act like idiots like they do nowadays.
12:00 PM, High Noon: I watched the news. Nothing of interest to the Codger agenda is happening today. That’s why this lifestyle column is a vital part of the fabric of the media.
12:31 PM: I fixed some lunch. I had what is called a “Lunchable”. It has all you need to make a sandwich all in one box, and the taste is pretty good, too. It’s easier than driving all the way to the delicatessen!
1:04 PM: I went outside to check on my mailbox bee colony. The post holding it up must’ve collapsed while I was at my son Brian’s beach house over the weekend. It looks like it was caused by the bees boring into it. I’ll take that as evidence they could be carpenter bees (although I did notice a drop of what appeared to be a honey-like substance on the ruins of the mailbox).
1:19 PM: I sat down on my porch to watch my bird feeder.
1:26 PM: I think I’m entering my Blue Period. I am wearing blue jeans, a blue shirt, and blue shoes today.
3: 41 PM: I must have dozed off there for a bit. It’s a good thing I woke up in time for Judge Judy’s program.
3:44 PM: I used the W. C.
3:50 PM: The common-law Mrs. Codger came home from work.
3:58 PM: I sat down to watch Judge Judy.
5:00 PM: I gave my grandson Max a ring on his cellular since I hadn’t heard from him in a while. I am proud to report that he has decided to extend his stay on the west coast. He’s sold all of his hand-blown glassware and moved down to Los Angeles with his traveling companion C. J.; while they were in San Francisco, they met a wealthy man that hired them both to work as pool boys at his estate in Los Angeles, a position that combines the best aspects of life-guarding and pool maintenance. What luck! While people are struggling to find work, a millionaire just comes along and offers Max and C. J. work in a field they’ve never worked in before! If the man who invented the old saying, “Go West, young man” had a quarter for every time his advice was right, he’d be a rich man himself!
5:48 PM: The missus fixed beef and noodles for dinner.
6:19 PM: The missus leaves to go to her fitness class. I don’t know why she bought that stationary bicycle if she’s still going to go to those classes.
6:22 PM: I used the W. C.
6:30 PM: I still can’t believe those bees destroyed my mailbox. Maybe it was a case of termites instead. I’ll have to build them a new mailbox to colonize soon.
6:42 PM: A lot of TV programs show that people want their houses to have a “Jack and Jill bathroom”. I’m going to have to call my lady contractor to help me with one.
6:57 PM: I ate some plain, large curd cottage cheese.
7:10 PM: Why hasn’t anyone offered The Codger a radio program yet? If there were any smart radio station owners reading this, they would get me to host a talk show where I can broadcast my opinions. I never thought of myself as a radio personality, but now that I’ve gotten my sea legs on the Internet, I’ve been thinking it might be time to expand my media conglomerate empire.
7:49 PM: I went to use the W. C.
8:00 PM: I sat down to watch the Nancy Grace program.
9:01 PM: I went to the W. C. and stepped in a puddle on the bathroom floor. When I went to get a fresh pair of socks out of my chifforobe, I hit my toe on the leg of my desk. I put some ice on it and sat down to watch Joy Behar’s program.
10:00 PM: I watched the repeat of Nancy Grace.
11:00 PM: I watched the news. Again, nothing of interest going on. The missus must’ve snuck in earlier because I hear her making noise in the bathroom.
11:30 PM: I went to the W. C. and then to bed.
Until next time!