Posts Tagged ‘nancy grace’

The Codger’s Cult of Personality

A fine morning again to you, the reader. I’d like to begin today by having a moment of silence for Nancy Grace while she recovers from her surgery. I would call for a moment of prayer, except I know a lot of you use this Web site for education, and the government says you can’t mix the two. If there’s one person you don’t want to double-cross, it’s the government.

Now that’s got me thinking. There are people out there known as followers. What could make them better? Leadership. That’s why I’ve decided to talk about leadership and share some of my greatest leadership tips.

Chief among them is creating a “cult of personality”. I consulted the Wikipedia encyclopedia (not the bad one the government’s going after), which says, and I quote, “A cult of personality arises when an individual uses mass media, propaganda, or other methods, to create an idealized and heroic public image, often through unquestioning flattery and praise. Cults of personality are usually associated with dictatorships. The sociologist Max Weber developed a tripartite classification of authority; the cult of personality holds parallels with what Weber defined as ‘charismatic authority’.[…]While the cult of personality generally applies to the enhancement and promotion of a political or religious doctrine, it stands to reason that it is also asserted in everyday situations where popularity is used to advocate conformity to philosophies and lifestyles, even products and attitudes by way of peer pressure and herd mentality.”

You hear that? You’ve got to be charismatic to have a cult of personality, and we can’t let dictators ruin them for all of us. If we can get enough people to lead through cults of personality, then we’ll finally have that herd mentality we’ve all been longing for. Just look to myself, The Codger, for your shining example.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

The Codger Stages an Intervention

Ahoy there, all you readers of this here “lifestyle column”. First on my agenda this morning, I must give my compliments to Nancy Grace for last night’s exceptional program. There were numerous bombshells, and I found it riveting from beginning to end. I’ll be right back “BRB”.

That was my telephone. It was my old pal Bill calling to notify me of the news over in his neck of the woods. He sure had a lot to tell me about today. First, the good news: Billy got himself a good deal on some hard candies at the Dollar General. I hope he got the butterscotches. Those are my favorites. Now, for the bad news: His grandson, Haydon (I’m not sure if that’s how you spell that name), is on drugs. I’m just glad that I don’t ever have to worry about that problem with my grandson Max, my grandniece Tricia, or their friends.

I told Billy that I’d do him a favor and find some good anti-drug intervention videos on the Internet to help poor Haydon kick the habit. I found one that I think is excellent. Very well done. You can really see the way that the speaker, Florrie Fisher, is connecting with the young people in the audience. Haydon had better thank his lucky stars that we have videos like this one that young people like himself can relate to:

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

The Codger’s Crossword

Good morning, dear readers. You know what one of the best ways to get your brain racing in the morning is? It’s doing a Sudoku. But in the event that your local daily doesn’t carry Sudoku, odds are that it probably carries a crossword puzzle. Heck, even the free newspapers usually have one, so why shouldn’t my “lifestyle column”? Well, now it does. Presenting…The Codger’s Crossword. Here are the clues:

Across:

1. Host of “Swift Justice with Nancy Grace”

2. Peggy of “The Waltons”

3. The year I moved away from home

4. What my grandson Max blows for a living

5. The common-law Mrs. Codger’s first name

Down:

1. The breed of cat that I’ve been domesticating

2. What I like to spend my time doing

3. A bad kind of person

4. A kind of motor home: Winn(blank)go

5. What you put on your pizza pie if you’re a real American and not a hippie

6. “Dempsey (blank) Makepeace”

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

The Live Blog of My Daily Routine

A hearty “hello” to you today. You know what I decided you need yesterday? A Live Blog of a typical day in the life of The Codger, so you can structure your own daily routine after it. It had been a while since my last Live Blog (back when I live blogged my colon cleanse), and so I thought it was about time for another one. I carried around a pen and paper with me as I went about my daily activities yesterday; I have now transcribed my notes here onto the Internet for you to read.

10: 43 AM: I decided to live blog my activities

10:46 AM: I thought it was stuffy in here, so I opened a window.  What we need around here is a good Alberta Clipper. They come down from what they used to call the “Prairie Provinces” in Canada and clean up the air.

10:50 AM: I went to the W. C.

10:59 AM: I sat down to watch The Price Is Right. I don’t like this new host, Drew Carey. He doesn’t take the show seriously enough. That’s what you get when you hire a comedian. I suppose I grew to enjoy Bob Barker over the years, but I miss Bill Cullen hosting. The contestants had to wear a suit and tie to get on TV back in those days, and they didn’t jump around and act like idiots like they do nowadays.

12:00 PM, High Noon: I watched the news. Nothing of interest to the Codger agenda is happening today. That’s why this lifestyle column is a vital part of the fabric of the media.

12:31 PM: I fixed some lunch. I had what is called a “Lunchable”. It has all you need to make a sandwich all in one box, and the taste is pretty good, too. It’s easier than driving all the way to the delicatessen!

1:04 PM: I went outside to check on my mailbox bee colony. The post holding it up must’ve collapsed while I was at my son Brian’s beach house over the weekend. It looks like it was caused by the bees boring into it. I’ll take that as evidence they could be carpenter bees (although I did notice a drop of what appeared to be a honey-like substance on the ruins of the mailbox).

1:19 PM: I sat down on my porch to watch my bird feeder.

1:26 PM: I think I’m entering my Blue Period. I am wearing blue jeans, a blue shirt, and blue shoes today.  

3: 41 PM: I must have dozed off there for a bit. It’s a good thing I woke up in time for Judge Judy’s program.

3:44 PM: I used the W. C.

3:50 PM: The common-law Mrs. Codger came home from work.

3:58 PM: I sat down to watch Judge Judy.

5:00 PM:  I gave my grandson Max a ring on his cellular since I hadn’t heard from him in a while. I am proud to report that he has decided to extend his stay on the west coast. He’s sold all of his hand-blown glassware and moved down to Los Angeles with his traveling companion C. J.; while they were in San Francisco, they met a wealthy man that hired them both to work as pool boys at his estate in Los Angeles, a position that combines the best aspects of life-guarding and pool maintenance. What luck! While people are struggling to find work, a millionaire just comes along and offers Max and C. J. work in a field they’ve never worked in before! If the man who invented the old saying, “Go West, young man” had a quarter for every time his advice was right, he’d be a rich man himself!

5:48 PM: The missus fixed beef and noodles for dinner.

6:19 PM: The missus leaves to go to her fitness class. I don’t know why she bought that stationary bicycle if she’s still going to go to those classes.

6:22 PM: I used the W. C.

6:30 PM: I still can’t believe those bees destroyed my mailbox. Maybe it was a case of termites instead. I’ll have to build them a new mailbox to colonize soon.

6:42 PM: A lot of TV programs show that people want their houses to have a “Jack and Jill bathroom”. I’m going to have to call my lady contractor to help me with one.

6:57 PM: I ate some plain, large curd cottage cheese.

7:10 PM: Why hasn’t anyone offered The Codger a radio program yet? If there were any smart radio station owners reading this, they would get me to host a talk show where I can broadcast my opinions. I never thought of myself as a radio personality, but now that I’ve gotten my sea legs on the Internet, I’ve been thinking it might be time to expand my media conglomerate empire.

7:49 PM: I went to use the W. C.

8:00 PM: I sat down to watch the Nancy Grace program.

9:01 PM: I went to the W. C. and stepped in a puddle on the bathroom floor. When I went to get a fresh pair of socks out of my chifforobe, I hit my toe on the leg of my desk. I put some ice on it and sat down to watch Joy Behar’s program.

10:00 PM: I watched the repeat of Nancy Grace.

11:00 PM: I watched the news. Again, nothing of interest going on. The missus must’ve snuck in earlier because I hear her making noise in the bathroom.

11:30 PM: I went to the W. C. and then to bed.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

A Review of Nancy Grace’s “Death on the D-List”


A first-rate morning to you, dear readers. In this era when more and more people are becoming illiterate blockheads, it is important to keep the tradition of books alive. Therefore, I have decided to offer you a review of a new book I purchased at my local book store yesterday: “Death on the D-List” by noted television host, legal expert, and wonderful mother Nancy Grace.

Since I haven’t had the time to read it for myself yet, I decided to turn to the Internet to form my unbiased opinion of it. One blog I have found particularly useful for reviews of all sorts of products is http://www.Amazon.com. The critics on the Amazon blog have given “Death on the D-List” an average of five out of five stars, which is good enough for me. You don’t find five star books every day.

In reading the reviews, I noticed that one of the critics is David Linch. Being an avid viewer of Nancy Grace’s television program (as I am sure many of you are yourselves), I remembered that David Linch is the name of her husband (and father of her two beautiful children, John David and Lucy Elizabeth). Mr. Linch’s review says, “Nancy’s book is a must read. She acurately protrays some of the country’s most twisted individuals, tv people, and how the unfortunately intersect with real world. The book keeps you on edge and guessing until the very end. Hats off to Ms. Grace and her new book. Keep them coming.” It was awfully nice of the Amazon.com people to reach out to David to review his wife’s book. Luckily, he rated it five out of five stars and said only nice things about it. I certainly wouldn’t want to be in Mr. Linch’s place if he had given it a bad review! Could you imagine that?

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Bear Droppings on My Car


Good morning, my dear readers. I never thought this would happen to me, but yesterday evening, when I stepped outside into my driveway, I found myself exclaiming the words made famous by the incomparable Miss Nancy Grace: “Bombshell tonight!” You see, as I was going out to my mailbox to check on my bees, I found animal droppings on my car, which I would not hesitate to put into the “bombshell” category.

After some investigation, I identified the droppings as bear droppings due to their high berry content. I haven’t seen a bear in this neighborhood in over 35 years, but perhaps these things go in waves (like global warming doesn’t…I’ve been around for enough “moons”, as the Native Americans like to say, to know that the planet earth wasn’t always this hot). The way I see it, the bear probably came around because he smelled the honey my bees made. Then he swiped it all with his paw. Well, that explains why I haven’t been getting any honey from my bees: That bear has been stealing it! The only thing I can think to do is get a padlock for the door of my bees’ mailbox. That should solve the problem.

I cannot believe that a bear would be so inconsiderate as to use my car as its personal latrine! Whatever happened to going in the woods and using a pinecone? I’m just thankful that my Welsh corgi, Hannah Montana, was not outside at the time of the vandalism. She could have been eaten! I’ve decided to ramp up my private block patrol (not affiliated with the Block Watch committee) by adding a 6:15 – 7:00 PM lookout shift on my front porch until the bear crisis has subsided. I also added the Department of Transportation to my cellular’s speed dial, in the event that the bear attempts to vandalize any of my neighbors’ automobiles.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Breaking News: The Codger Exposes the Senior Center


Good morning. How are things on the home front? On mine, the common-law Mrs. Codger got into one of her moods last night. I wanted to sit on the porch and then watch TV (like I do most nights), and she wanted to go to that Senior Center again. She knows I don’t like going there, but she’s always trying to get me to go, even though I took her to the movies just last week. She assured me that it’s not a club of “loose morals”, as I’ve always told her it is, and she sweetened the pot by telling me they were holding a square dance last night, so I finally agreed to go.

At the Senior Center, I was surprised they had a real caller and not just a record player. The place I used to take the first Mrs. Codger used to use a record player most of the time. Anyhow, it’s not like the caller was any good. The reason I know this is because he didn’t have a southern accent. What kind of square dance caller doesn’t have a southern accent? Of course, none of that would have mattered if he wouldn’t have kept calling for the couples to switch partners! And the missus did it! She walked right across that square and stood by the man over on the other side. And his wife walked over and stood by me.

I wasn’t born yesterday, and I know how those swinger operations work. They make it look like you’re doing an innocent activity, but it’s all code for swinging. I wasn’t going to stand there and let the chowderheads in that room think that I endorsed their hank-a-pank. I made it very clear that I wasn’t “one of them” when I took the missus by the arm and promenaded her right out the front door and into the car. I told her that we had just left a thinly-disguised swinging operation, but she wouldn’t believe me. She can be incredibly naïve at times. What would she do without me there to look out for her? When I got home, I realized that it wasn’t too late to save the evening, so to speak, so I sat out on the porch and then watched Nancy Grace and Joy Behar’s programs while she did some laundry.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger