Posts Tagged ‘internet’

Don’t Fall Victim To a Phishing Virus

A good day to you, dear readers. I would like to make a point of pointing out to you all something important I learned this morning. I was buying a special Christmas gift for the common-law Mrs. Codger this morning at the mall when the cashier asked me if I wanted to give her my E-mail address for their mailing list and to enter some sort of contest to win some sort of prize.

Well, I was all set to give it to her when the good Samaritan in line behind me piped up and told me about the dangers of a what is known as “phishing”. They spell it with a “ph” so people know it’s bad, not like recreational fishing. As I understand it, the phisher phishes your personal information and uses it to send you a virus that has a phishing scam in it. And if you get the virus, you’d better look out. You’ll be stuck paying a computer programmer large sums of money to fix your computer…a grave price, indeed.

When I got home, I decided it would be prudent to do some additional research into the matter. And what I found will blow the cover off the hippies’ so-called “peace and love” charade once and for all: It turns out that the people most responsible for phishing viruses are these tarted-up hippie delinquents: Phish.

That’s right, they’re in a band that flaunts its evil mission statement right there in its name for all the world to see! If this isn’t investigative journalism at its finest, I don’t know what is. Now where’s my Peabody Award?

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

My Grandson Max Will Be “Ghost Writing” For Me Tomorrow

Greetings, dear readers. I have some spooky news to share with you on this All Hallows’ Eve eve. I have asked my grandson Max (who I am sure you all remember by his Internet “handle”, M-Fixie, because he is a fixed-gear bicycle enthusiast) to “ghost write” tomorrow’s Hallowe’en column for me. Spooky, no? But don’t let the ghostly happenings frighten you too much: Remember that I am not really a ghost, and that it is just Max writing as if he is writing for me after I have passed.

 Oh my…I had intended to write more exhaustively today, but my Welsh corgi, Hannah Montana, is barking at the door. Usually when she does that, she has to go do her business, although sometimes she only wants to fraternize with a squirrel or somesuch. But I don’t intend on taking any chances. I don’t feel like spending the rest of the day cleaning up after she has an accident, and I do not intend on giving out my home address over the Internet for any of you to come and help me clean up.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

From the Desk of The Codger Microblog

Hello there, Internet readers. Yesterday I was toiling away doing some Internet research when I learned about an important new trend in the online world: Microblogging. According to this Blog, microblogs are like regular blogs, but with everything smaller: The pictures, the data, the words…even the E-mail. And the young people love ’em. That is why I am going to try my hand at microblogging today. That should get some more young people reading. Presenting the From the Desk of The Codger Microblog:

 Good morning, dear readers.

E-mail: theecodger@yahoo.com

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

The Codger’s Screenplay

Hello again, dear readers. This is The Codger here. If you’re anything like me, you’ve noticed the outrageous number of television programs starring young people taking up space on the airwaves. There is no good reason why many of these programs couldn’t be made starring some more senior characters. No good reason why! Just because we’re older doesn’t mean we can’t be ev’ry bit as hep and as sassy as (if not sassier than) those youngsters. That’s why I wrote a professional screenplay with my word processor to send to any Hollywood producer who will listen. It has it all! I made sure of it by doing several re-writes well into the evening yesterday. Any critiques are welcome in the comments box:

CAST:

Gene—age 72, to be played by a Ronald Reagan type (before he died)

Margie—age 75, Gene’s wife. A dancer and a singer. An older version of that lovely Zooey Deschanel girl

Clarence—age 71, a well-to-do retiree

Alfred—age 76, he is in a fight over his pension. Should be played by Pat Sajak with make-up to make him look old.

Lu—age 87, Clarence’s neighbor who is a widow and a Cougar. Very attractive for her age.

Act 1. Setting: Gene’s house

Gene: Hello, friends. How are you today? Margie, get them some sandwiches.

Clarence: I am fine.

Alfred: As am I.

Margie: Now that we’re all here together, let’s all sing a song.

All: O. K.

(sing song)

Gene: So Clarence, have you been on any more dates with Lu?

Clarence: Yes, we went on a date yesterday.

(commercial break for that Poligrip commercial I like)

Alfred: How was it?

Clarence: We went out to dinner. The meat was kind of tough.

Alfred: I think I am starting to take an interest in vampires. They are cool.

Gene: Did you see that movie about them?

Alfred: Yes. It was a peach, wasn’t it?

All: (nod in agreement)

Gene: What this country needs more of is defense infrastructure. I have just re-invented the Star Wars satellite plan. It can catch commies anywhere they’re hiding. Margie, can you get me my computer? I know how to use it just like you young people.

Clarence: I enjoy computers, too, especially the Internet. Who do you think is going to win Dancing With the Stars?

Alfred: The nerve of my son Ryan, trying to swindle that money out of my bank account!

Gene: Looks like it’s time to take my Crestor. And I’m not talking about the tooth-paste.

All: (laugh)

Clarence: The nerve of Ryan, my son, trying to swindle that money out of my bank account!

Clarence: Do tell. Young people these days aren’t as cool as we older folks, you know.

Enter Lu, stage left

Gene: The main satellite is connected to a different satellite that has a telescope to keep an eye on the Russians, or whoever you make it look at. That’s why it is going to be good for this country.

Clarence: I approve of your plan. We should write a letter to the editor about it.

All: The end.

Gene: I can’t wait until our next episode. We’d better not get canceled by the network.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Gifting to the Missus

Good morning to you all, all you readers. You know I hate to speak ill of others, but sometimes I do. I went to the store yesterday, and I took along some coupons I got from the Internet. I don’t know what’s to stop someone from printing out all the free coupons they want, because that’s what’s going to happen since the people in charge of the ‘Net decided to go with the Honor System. Not that I would ever cheat the system like that, but there are definitely some unsavory characters out there. And that’s why you should always lock your car.

When I got to the store, I picked up all the items I had coupons for. I was very methodical about it, tracing my footsteps back through the store seven or eight times to make sure I didn’t forget anything. I even picked up a special item from the ladies’ aisle for the common-law Mrs. Codger. I knew she would appreciate the thought.

I knew wrong. Apparently the missus doesn’t use tampons. I said, “If that’s the case, then why doesn’t it say somewhere on the box that not all women need this product?” But it doesn’t say that at all, unless it’s hidden in that small writing on the back that’s too small to take the time to read. And I’m sure it’s not in there. I told the missus that if she didn’t like her present, she should just accept it graciously because I didn’t bother to get a gift receipt from the cashier. And they were the good ones, not the cheap ones.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

I’ve Got Poachers

A fine morning to you today, all you readers out on the Internet. In a way, the Internet has become my generation’s newer version of the party line. Let the younger generation come up with their own Mediasphere if they don’t want us using it! Our generation deserves the Internet the most because we figured out how to use it. We took to it like a tadpole takes to a frog.

It was frosty this morning, so I went outside to scrape my cars in case I needed to go somewhere in a hurry. It turns out I didn’t, but it’s just good practice. Well as I was doing that, I looked up and noticed one of those sports and utility vehicles driving slowly down the street. It was green (for camouflage) and had a rack on the roof for mounting guns. That’s where the sharpshooter generally sits. I would describe it in greater detail, but I believe another prominent author, Ernest Hemingway, has already written about these types of hunting expeditions.

You know what this means: Poachers. I bet they noticed my pet feral cat in my yard and want to get their hands on his lush pelt. The feral breed is known for its luxurious pelt, which could probably command millions on the black market. I’m going to keep my eye open for those poachers when I do my daily block surveillance. If I see that sports and utility vehicle again, I’m going to report it to the police.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

Setting the Record Straight on The Windy City

Salutations and greetings to you, the reader, this morning. You can’t trust anybody nowadays when everyone’s out there putting false facts on your television and on your computer. Why do they do it? No one knows, which means that someone has to put forth a theory. I nominate myself, The Codger, and I hereby present my theory, backed by my world-renowned Codger’s Guarantee: They have too much time on their hands and their parents didn’t do a good job raising them the right way.

For example, there have been too many people speculating rampantly on important issues…for example, on why the City of Chicago is known as the Windy City. Here is an entire Web page devoted to that very issue, and it’s chock full of nonsense saying that it’s called the Windy City because the politicians there like to huff and puff and talk a lot. Well, let me be there first to break it to you: It’s called the Windy City because there’s a lot of wind there, plain and simple as that. I’ve been to Chicago, and let me tell you, it was PLENTY windy. I almost couldn’t go outside because there was so much wind, and you might as well forget about wearing a scarf, because the wind’s just going to take it.

Unfortunately, in our society, this type of incorrect information makes its way to the public far too often because it falls through the cracks of government regulation: Why don’t the FDA or the DAR step in and do something about it? They need to learn that it never hurts to go above and beyond the call of duty, and that’s a truth you can take to the bank. And for you young people, I think that your favorite celebrity Crystal Palin would be the first to agree with me!

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger