Bring Back the Hogshead (63 gallons)

Good day to all of you on this, the 27th of October, 2008. I’m going to go on the record here and ask the important questions. 1. Why did the companies stop using hogsheads? It’s much more convenient than the two-liter, if you ask me. At a full 63 gallons, the hogshead gives you more bang for your buck. I want to be able to walk into any store and buy mayonnaise by the hogshead, buttermilk by the hogshead, milk by the hogshead, buttercream by the hogshead just like the way it used to be.

Nowadays, even if you go to the Costco Warehouse, the best you’re going to find is a two-liter, or one of those packs where it’s just two regular two-liters attached together with a piece of plastic. Now if they converted those two-liters back into hogsheads, say something along the lines of .333 hogsheads or whatever it may be, well then you’d really have something. Makes it seem like the customer is getting something for nothing. And it’s easier on the eyes.

The next time I’m at the store, I’m going to walk right up to that customer service desk and tell them my idea to go back to hogsheads. With higher profits and a happier Codger, this is what’s called a “win and win situation”. If you didn’t know that that’s what it’s called, well, you don’t know much, now do you? I can’t afford to have uneducated people reading this here “lifestyle column”. That would set a bad example for my grandson Max and my grandniece Tricia.

Until next time!


The Codger


2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Charlie on October 28, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    Hail fellow well met. I obviously support you in your advocacy of retail hogsheads, though I have a word of warning: should you succeed, (as I’m sure you will, given your vast reach,) then I suggest investing some of that reverse mortgage in higher security at The Codger Residence. A poacher would “hit the jackpot” if he happened upon a bounty of hogsheads, to say nothing of your other treasures; the Jack and Jill bathroom, Space Needle, and mailbox bee colony come to mind.

    BTW, by the way, your screenplay is a revelation.

    Be safe,


    • Good evening to you, Mr. Charlie. I suspect you are quite right: My property is in grave danger. I’m going to see what the people at the municipal building think of turning my street into a gated community. I’d even build the gate myself out of the extra rebar out in my shed. If they don’t take a shine to that idea, I’ll have to hire a round-the-clock security guard. Does the fellow who does your pest spraying at your place have any plans to move north? If he does, I would move him to the top of my “short list” of candidates for the job.

      Kind regards,
      The Codger


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