The Codger Roasts Self

Ahoy to all of my readers reading this “lifestyle column” on the Internet. We welcome both young and senior readers alike around these parts, no questions asked. When I was your age, the way we showed respect for our elders was by “roasting” them. You’d have an audience in a room, and the guests came up to the podium and would take turns pretending to insult the guest of honor. They called that a “roast”. I guess they don’t do them much anymore, since I haven’t been invited to one or seen one on the television lately. But they should do them again; that is why I’ve decided to set the agenda (like we in the media tend to do) and roast myself today. Keep in mind that these insults are exaggerated for comedic effect:

The Codger is so old he can remember the Eisenhower administration…in its entirety!


The Codger went to the store and accidentally bought tangerines instead of oranges!


The Codger’s credit rating is so bad he got de-listed by two of the major credit bureaus!


The Codger was once mistaken for a hippie!


The Codger is so lazy he only wears shoes without laces!


The Codger spent a whole month’s salary on a SARS shelter when he could’ve just bought some masks instead!


The Codger is so dumb he thought that you could get a reverse-reverse mortgage!


The Codger is not good at using computers!


The Codger always forgets where he parked the car!


Until next time!


The Codger


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