Salutations to my entire audience on this Wednesday. These days, we seem to be suffering from a dearth of guarantees in life. When I was younger, everything came with a guarantee. If you bought an automobile, it came with a guarantee. If you were lucky, you’d even get two of them: A manufacturer’s guarantee and a seller’s guarantee (known as the “caveat venditor”) so that in case one of them turned out to be not all it was cracked up to be, you could just go ahead and use the other one.
If you went into a restaurant, you’d see the restaurant’s guarantee written up on the back of the menu, promising you 100% satisfaction or you’d get your meal free. The owner’s signature would be right there at the bottom for everyone to see. When you’d go to the grocery store, you’d buy a can of peaches, and right there on the can would be a guarantee that you had real cling peaches and not some other type of fruit. Heck, I even remember when I’d go to the grocery store and the cash register would print up a guarantee and the cashier would put it right in your bag. You don’t get service like that nowadays.
That is why I’ve decided that this “lifestyle column”, From the Desk of The Codger, should have a guarantee. I’ve improved upon the Preamble to the U. S. Constitution, taking it above and beyond its humble origins, to bring you my personal guarantee:
“I the Codger of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Internet, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common online buzz, promote Welfare reform, and secure the Bloggings of Liberty to our generation, do ordain and establish this guarantee for this here lifestyle column. Fin.”
Until next time!