Good morning, my dear readers. I never thought this would happen to me, but yesterday evening, when I stepped outside into my driveway, I found myself exclaiming the words made famous by the incomparable Miss Nancy Grace: “Bombshell tonight!” You see, as I was going out to my mailbox to check on my bees, I found animal droppings on my car, which I would not hesitate to put into the “bombshell” category.
After some investigation, I identified the droppings as bear droppings due to their high berry content. I haven’t seen a bear in this neighborhood in over 35 years, but perhaps these things go in waves (like global warming doesn’t…I’ve been around for enough “moons”, as the Native Americans like to say, to know that the planet earth wasn’t always this hot). The way I see it, the bear probably came around because he smelled the honey my bees made. Then he swiped it all with his paw. Well, that explains why I haven’t been getting any honey from my bees: That bear has been stealing it! The only thing I can think to do is get a padlock for the door of my bees’ mailbox. That should solve the problem.
I cannot believe that a bear would be so inconsiderate as to use my car as its personal latrine! Whatever happened to going in the woods and using a pinecone? I’m just thankful that my Welsh corgi, Hannah Montana, was not outside at the time of the vandalism. She could have been eaten! I’ve decided to ramp up my private block patrol (not affiliated with the Block Watch committee) by adding a 6:15 – 7:00 PM lookout shift on my front porch until the bear crisis has subsided. I also added the Department of Transportation to my cellular’s speed dial, in the event that the bear attempts to vandalize any of my neighbors’ automobiles.
Until next time!