Advice for The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and Others

Welcome to my lifestyle column, “From the desk of The Codger”. I am glad you are here. I just came inside from watching my bird feeder and having a cup of coffee (high test, none of that decaffeinated swill for me, thank you very much). I believe I spotted an evening grosbeak, but by the time I ran to get my Minolta, it was gone.

If you happen to follow the mainstream media, you may have noticed an over-abundance of marital and pre-marital relationships taking center stage: programs like The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Levi Johnston, the news at noon, Bristol Palin. The stories are everywhere. Why does anybody care about these people? I don’t even know who half of them are! Here’s some advice: Why doesn’t The Bachelor just marry The Bachelorette and have that be the end of it? They both seem intent on tying the knot, which would make them the perfect match. That would cut out all the middle men bogging down those programs. And a celebrity of Levi Johnston’s caliber shouldn’t have any trouble landing himself any beautiful starlet he wants. As for Bristol Palin, she really should get back together with her baby’s father.

For your information, I have asked my grandniece Tricia to “guest Blog” for this lifestyle column tomorrow. I suspect she’ll write about her latest summer school assignment, which is a report on the rise and fall of the Ottoman Empire. As common sense dictates, I would not want to hinder her creativeness, so I have given her the option of writing about an alternate topic of her choice if she is so inclined. I always find that you get the best results when you take a firm but hands-off approach to classroom management. You have to give them enough rope, as the experts like to say.

Until next time!


The Codger


2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Charlie on August 6, 2010 at 9:55 am

    Morning fellow! The Ottoman Empire–sounds like complicated stuff. I say learn your own country’s history first, but that’s just me. On the other hand, I applaud you for challenging Tricia in her studies, something I’m sure was impossible with your son Brian. As I understand, he required constant cosseting just to keep him from crying all day and night. Not that it was your fault, because the same goes for that whole cream puff generation.

    Until next time,


    • Ahoy there, Mr. Charlie. I understand your concern about Tricia receiving an adequate schooling in United States history. She said she had studied it in that public school she used to go to, but I didn’t trust that place to teach her all she needs to know. That’s why I taught her a remedial unit with all the significant figures and events she did not seem to know much about: the Dust Bowl, Fatty Arbuckle, the Industrial Revolution, the American Revolution, the Montgolfier Brothers, Oral Roberts, the Whigs, To Tell The Truth, I’ve Got a Secret…I couldn’t believe she’d never learned about all of those. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear that you’ve met my son Brian in person! As much as he can be the way he is, at least he knows all of those cornerstones of American history. That’s because schoolteachers back then could teach even the most uncooperative student. I’m convinced that that darned No Child Left Behind act is what left my grandniece Tricia behind: She was so advanced that it was holding her back.

      All the best,
      The Codger


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