Exemplary Codgers: Oliver Cromwell

Salutations to you today. I hope that you are in good health and enjoying life. Who is someone else who enjoys life, you ask? An Exemplary Codger, that’s who. That is why we need them now more than ever. One of the great ones was Oliver Cromwell. I am of the opinion that he was one of the first Exemplary Codgers, though he was never proclaimed one during his reign.

A title he did brandish during his reign was that of Lord Protector of the Commonwealth. You don’t get to become Lord Protector by lying in wait for it to happen, and that’s a fact. No, you have to break a few eggs. And that’s just what Oliver Cromwell did. He defeated two English Civil Wars, dethroned and executed the evil King Charles I, and obliterated the Rump Parliament and the presumably-wicked “Barebone’s Parliament”, all the while being decried by the Irish as “genocidal or near-genocidal”. If Barebone’s Parliament had survived, they probably would have just spread the Plague anyhow, since it was going around in those days. That’s why we must never vote them into office: We wouldn’t want to go back to those days of pestilence.

A Portrait of Oliver Cromwell

But if one thing speaks to Oliver Cromwell’s Exemplary Codger status, it’s that he was exhumed from Westminster Abbey in 1661 and posthumously executed. It sounds preposterous, but that’s what they did: They executed his cadaver! I believe that was because there was no Queen at the time to perform a posthumous knighting ceremony, so the best they could manage was an execution.

There is now The Cromwell Association established in his honor; its Blog has an exclusive “members only area” for the upper echelon of Cromwell’s followers, most likely his descendents. One person likely not authorized in the members only area: His son Richard, who was such a poor Lord Protector that he was removed from office after only a fraction of time his father served. Oliver Cromwell had been paid £100,000 per year for his duties, and he was worth every shilling. As far as I’m concerned, his son wouldn’t be a bargain at half the price.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

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4 responses to this post.

  1. Dear Codger,
    I found this post quite interesting. Given Mr. Cromwell’s post-death-execution, I made the decision that I would like to be cremated so this does not happen to me. There is a high probability that one of my enemies would try just such a prank once I am no longer of the physical world. I do not wish to spend my afterlife haunting people, I would rather spend it having tea in heaven with Jimmy Stewart, so my body will be burned upon death. I don’t have the money for the cremation, but my grandson has a fire pit so we should still be able to do it.
    Good to see you are still around after the big 100.
    Yours in friendship,
    Wesley

    Reply

    • Dear Mr. Branderson,

      That sounds like a very reasonable plan, and well thought-out. It’s sad to think that in this day and age, there are people that would consider disinterring a corpse just for “kicks”. Well the joke is on them: Gathering around your grandson’s fire pit will provide a wonderful chance for some family bonding. The real fun begins when you get to decide whether to go with charcoal brickettes or the smoky mesquite. That reminds me…I’ll have to write an article one of these days about the details of my own funeral plans, which involve the premier life insurance policy from the TV (the one where the lady says, “It costs as much to bury a woman as it does a man” and everyone laughs “LOL”).

      Kind regards,
      The Codger

      Reply

  2. Dear Codger,

    Thanks for this post. When I named my second son “Oliver,” my Irish mother fell into a series of fits and swore she’d never call him by that name. I guess it’s the name’s association with that whole genecide thing. I’ll have to send her to this post so she can see Oliver Cromwell from the Exemplary Codger perspective. Maybe then she’ll stop calling Ollie “that child,” and “hey you.”

    Love your posts. And here’s why I know I’ll want to read more: You list Gorilla Vs. Bear and Brooklyn Vegan and Hipster Runoff in your blogroll. Any Indie Music fan is a friend of mine.

    Happy writing, and happy listening!

    Yours truly,
    Maura

    Reply

    • Good morning to you, Miss Maura,

      My goodness, I am sorry that your son’s name caused a rift between you and your mother. I hope that she comes to her senses soon and is able to patch things up! I am sure that E-mailing her this article could not hurt. As for those music Blogs, my grandson Max loaded them into my “Blog Roll” around the time I started this Blog, so I owe it all to him. Naturally, his tastes were very good and I ended up enjoying those Blogs right from the get-go. I remember I reviewed them all at one point; as a member of the media elite, it is my obligation to stay up-to-date with all the current tunes and news. Anything’s better than that hippie music so many people seem convinced they enjoy.

      Kind regards,
      The Codger

      Reply

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