The Codger’s Review of “Twilight Eclipse”


Good morning, dear readership. At the request of reader Mr. Wesley Branderson, I have decided to provide you with my review of the film Twilight Eclipse. If you’ll recall, I was planning to see it after my grandniece Tricia’s birthday dinner last Saturday, but those plans fell through. I was understandably disappointed, but last night, I decided to take the missus on a “date” to see it at the theatre. I asked Tricia if she would like to come along, but she said that Derek was going to tutor her in her summer school studies. She’s always on the ball, that girl.

First we stopped at the A. T. V. to take out some money. Then we got to the theatre. We purchased our tickets, but when we went inside, that theatre room was dark, and there were no ushers to help us take our seats. I could not believe it. Just as soon as we sat down, I looked around and realized that it was all young people there, and some of them were dressed weird. I sent Tricia a text message to let her know that we made it to the theatre and were seated. Then the film started.

I will put this in no uncertain terms: Twilight Eclipse is a scary film, so do not take small children to see it. One of the main characters, Edward the Vampire, is all skin and bones, so you know that he’s going to need to suck someone’s blood to eat soon or he’s going to faint. I thought for sure that his victim was going to be the main werewolf because he’s a strong, healthy specimen. Well, that’s the kind of blood that I would want to eat if I were a vampire. But Edward the Vampire is dead-set on sucking the blood of a young Italian lady in the movie named Isabella. But she herself is awfully anemic-looking, so I don’t understand how her blood would provide much nourishment. This is a major “hole in the plot”, as they say. I spent the whole movie afraid that at any moment, a light would go off inside Edward the Vampire’s head and he would start sucking that werewolf’s blood, but luckily for the werewolf, that never happens. Also, someone dies, but it’s not one of the characters I mentioned, so I won’t spoil that part, should you decide to see the film yourself. But like I said, it’s scary, so I wouldn’t take children along to see it.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

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9 responses to this post.

  1. A terrific review Codger! I love that you give opinion, make it personal, but don’t spoil anything. A very good read.

    Thanks for sharing!

    Robert Lee

    Reply

    • Ahoy Mr. Lee. You are very welcome, and thanks to you for visiting my little “lifestyle column” on the Internet. It’s always amazing to learn how many fellow Bloggers are out there expressing the voice of the people! As the kids all say, “Keep on riding the chill-wave”.

      Best regards,
      The Codger

      Reply

  2. Posted by alter ebro on July 22, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    Good afternoon kind sir,

    Thank you for your cautionary statements in regard to the nature of this movie. Do you have any recommendations for movie viewing fare that would be appropriate for the entire family?

    Cheers!

    aE

    Reply

    • A good day to you, Alter Ebro.

      Thank you for inquiring as to my recommendations for family-friendly fare. Did you see The Avatar yet? I don’t know if that one is still playing at the theatres, but there are blue space aliens in it. You know how much kids love space aliens! And you get to wear third-dimension glasses. If you’ve already seen The Avatar, you should take the family to see Just Wright. The Queen and a whole lot of other celebrities are in it. I wasn’t expecting much when the missus dragged me to see it, but it was a laugh a minute. Just keep in mind that a trip to the theatre is what you make of it! Have fun and laugh.

      Best wishes,
      The Codger

      Reply

  3. Posted by Charlie on July 22, 2010 at 10:53 pm

    Hail fellow. Shows what I know: I thought Twilight Eclipse was a documentary on the sun in the tradition of Carl Sagan’s educational programming. I hope the first feature made up for the jerry-built main attraction.

    Until next time,
    Charlie

    Reply

  4. Dear Codger,
    Apologies on the tardiness of this response. I put my Tuesday medication in the Wednesday section on my pill box and it almost killed me. Luckily, I have been released from the hospital with a clean bill of heath (extensive pre-existing conditions aside). I too have seen The Eclipse and it’s lite on the astrology, but heavy on the gore. I much prefer Apollo 11 as a space exploration film. Not this Eclipse nonsense.
    Yours in Friendship,
    Wesley

    Reply

    • Hello to you, Mr. Branderson. I am sorry to hear of your medicinal mix-up, but I’m glad you’re feeling tip-top again. I blame that TV commercial that tells everyone to take their pills on “Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, every day”…it doesn’t take into consideration that some pills aren’t meant to be taken every day! I suppose I was too busy being scared to note that Eclipse did not have much to say with regards to space exploration. I still get the chills just thinking about it. I heard that our government is cutting funds to our Astrology Program, which I think is a tremendous mistake!

      Best,
      The Codger

      Reply

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