Archive for July 22nd, 2010

The Codger’s Review of “Twilight Eclipse”

Good morning, dear readership. At the request of reader Mr. Wesley Branderson, I have decided to provide you with my review of the film Twilight Eclipse. If you’ll recall, I was planning to see it after my grandniece Tricia’s birthday dinner last Saturday, but those plans fell through. I was understandably disappointed, but last night, I decided to take the missus on a “date” to see it at the theatre. I asked Tricia if she would like to come along, but she said that Derek was going to tutor her in her summer school studies. She’s always on the ball, that girl.

First we stopped at the A. T. V. to take out some money. Then we got to the theatre. We purchased our tickets, but when we went inside, that theatre room was dark, and there were no ushers to help us take our seats. I could not believe it. Just as soon as we sat down, I looked around and realized that it was all young people there, and some of them were dressed weird. I sent Tricia a text message to let her know that we made it to the theatre and were seated. Then the film started.

I will put this in no uncertain terms: Twilight Eclipse is a scary film, so do not take small children to see it. One of the main characters, Edward the Vampire, is all skin and bones, so you know that he’s going to need to suck someone’s blood to eat soon or he’s going to faint. I thought for sure that his victim was going to be the main werewolf because he’s a strong, healthy specimen. Well, that’s the kind of blood that I would want to eat if I were a vampire. But Edward the Vampire is dead-set on sucking the blood of a young Italian lady in the movie named Isabella. But she herself is awfully anemic-looking, so I don’t understand how her blood would provide much nourishment. This is a major “hole in the plot”, as they say. I spent the whole movie afraid that at any moment, a light would go off inside Edward the Vampire’s head and he would start sucking that werewolf’s blood, but luckily for the werewolf, that never happens. Also, someone dies, but it’s not one of the characters I mentioned, so I won’t spoil that part, should you decide to see the film yourself. But like I said, it’s scary, so I wouldn’t take children along to see it.

Until next time!


The Codger