Tragic Injuries Befall Senior Citizens


Good morning, and a fine Tuesday to you. I just got back from conducting my block patrol duties, and I can report safe conditions. It also looked like Mr. and Mrs. Pope around the corner either got a new car or have company over. I have some news stories to share with you today, news relevant to keeping the senior citizen population safe, a population which is growing more powerful every day. However, a few seniors are less powerful today after suffering physical injuries.

78 year old James Wankel got 2nd-degree burns on the soles of his feet when he ran into the street barefoot in Arizona. The macadam just got too hot and the postman he was trying to catch was just too far away. Mr. Wankel collapsed right there onto the macadam. Fortunately, there were no cars coming, and his neighbors rushed out into the street to drag him to safety. And then off to the burn center they went (That’s where Mr. Wankel received the 2nd-degree diagnosis). There is no word on why that postman didn’t stop and help. Sounds like my postman, always not being helpful when it comes to my mailbox bee colony.

Another senior also suffered medical troubles yesterday, the only difference being that this other senior was a celebrity. Zsa Zsa Gabor, 93 years young, fell out of bed while reaching to answer the telephone during Jeopardy, requiring a hip replacement at the hospital. When you get to a certain age, you have to be careful about breaking a hip, so you should install those non-slip daisies or sailboats or what have you in your bathtub. Prince Frederic von Anhalt, Princess Zsa Zsa’s husband, revealed that she is currently recuperating, and this “lifestyle column” sends her best wishes for a speedy recovery. With all that hot macadam out there, perhaps it’s for the best that she’s off her feet at the moment.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

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4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Charlie on July 20, 2010 at 10:06 am

    Hail fellow well met. You’re right, one can never be too careful, but keep your pecker up: aging doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom. Be active body and mind, because you’re only as old as you feel. To that end I walk 3 miles every morning and do search-a-word in the evening. My wife, the battle-axe, has been harping on about using a cane, but as sure as eggs is eggs, I’m in the best shape of my life, even the doctor said so, so why would I need one?

    Onward and upward,
    Charlie

    Reply

    • A good day to you, Mr. Charlie. That sounds like a full day’s schedule you’ve got yourself there! Have you ever tried Sudoku? It’s like the crossword but with numbers, and it’s much better than that Jumble game. I don’t see why they keep printing that one, myself. I don’t know anyone that likes it. And I say that as long as you don’t like using a cane, well, by George, why should you have to use one? That’s the problem with wives: They think they know everything.

      The Codger

      Reply

  2. Dear Codger,
    Thank you for the article on the gentleman who suffered burns due to the hot pavement. It has inspired me to turn over a new leaf. Allow me to explain. I currently live on the corner or two streets. Many times young people, in their MTV style of living, cut through my yard because they want to get home as fast as possible. My grandson tells me that they probably are in such a rush because they want to, “Fap before their parents get home from work.” I asked him if a Fap was drugs. He assured me it was not, but that it was very addicting none-the-less. I plan on discussing Fapping at the next town council meeting. I think if we all work together at the meeting, we will find out how we feel about Fapping and what measures we must take regarding this issue in the future. You know what they say, two heads are better than one.
    Now that I know that the pavement poses health risks to their feet, I will not bang on the window angerly when the kids cut through my yard.
    Yours in friendship,
    Wesley

    Reply

    • Good evening, Mr. Branderson,

      I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest if “doing faps” turns out to be street talk for doing opium. When I come across a suspicious young person, I think it safe to assume that he is “high” on opium (or some other drug). My grandson Max sent me an E-mail some time ago with an newspaper clipping about young people who meet at the swimming pool and search for hallucinogenic toads to lick. It served as a stark reminder of how many minds are going to waste these days.

      So sorry to hear about your lawn. It’s hard to keep one’s lawn in tip-top shape when it’s reduced to a common pedestrian thoroughfare by young junkies.

      Good luck at the town council meeting. If we don’t push the senior citizen agenda, who will?

      The Codger

      Reply

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