Salutations, my cozy collection of canvasbacks (ducks). Have you ever dreamed of becoming rich and famous by playing the stock market? These days, you stand a better chance of that just by starting a blog, but I thought I would go back and try doing it the old fashioned way just to remind myself how the “other half” lives.
The most strategic part of making the investment is deciding which stock to buy. I realized that I wanted to buy chemical stocks because chemicals are in everything. But that’s not enough. I needed more information to make an informed decision. So I decided to call IUPAC, the International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry. You have to go straight to the top, that’s what I always say! No sense dilly-dallying around with your common local chemists…they’re not going to know any valuable insider trading information. They’re too far removed from the power structure of what’s driving the market.
IUPAC hasn’t returned my message yet. I know I shouldn’t have left it with that secretary, but I couldn’t get her to put me through to the office administrator. But if the chemical industry is wealthy enough to afford a fancy office with a secretary and one of those answering systems where you have a press a bunch of numbers before you get a person on the line, their stock is the kind of stock you want to own. You and a bunch of rich people. And you’ll be in good company: mine. I’ll be sending out a letter shortly recommending that they put the money they would have given us as dividends toward a holiday party just for the stockholders instead. Won’t that be a hoot?
Until next time!