We Can Only Rent Pandas, Not Buy Them, And It’s Too Expensive


It’s grand to see you again, dear readers. As entertaining as it was for me to be reporting live from the campground this past weekend, it’s nice to be back home again…can’t say that I ever feel entirely comfortable leaving the missus in charge.

During my vacation, several important news stories took place, and I intend to get us all up-to-date. Did you know that a new red panda was born in the Washington, DC zoo? Now that’s not the same as a regular giant panda that’s red. No, it’s a separate animal entirely that looks like a raccoon. Which is good because we get to keep red pandas. China owns all the regular giant panda cubs that are born here because we’re only allowed to rent giant pandas from them. They call it the buzzword “panda diplomacy”, but they’re charging us a million dollars per year per panda just to rent them. That doesn’t even include the cost of bamboo for them to eat, and they eat a lot of it. And when I say we can only rent giant pandas, I don’t mean rent-to-own, though those places are the biggest rip-off next to renting pandas. You end up paying four or five times what you would’ve paid for a sofa or a refrigerator had you just bought it outright. But at least you’ll get to keep it if you make your payments. Those pandas are all going to get repossessed by China eventually. That’s why I’m glad it was a red panda being born. He gets to be an American, and he’ll never get repossessed.

The Wikipedia encyclopedia says that red pandas are sometimes called lesser pandas, but I don’t see anything “lesser” about them. I’d say they’re every bit as good as the most famous giant pandas that China sent us back in the ‘70s, Ling-Ling and Hsing-Hsing. Here’s a picture of First Lady Pat Nixon posing with one. Remember that? If memory serves, this looks like Ling-Ling to me:

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

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