Live Blogging My Colon Cleanse


Welcome back to my “lifestyle column”. Today I, The Codger, have decided to step into the future and do my very first “live blog”. I’ve noticed that live blogging is a growing trend around the Internet, so I thought I’d give it a try. Live blogging is exactly like regular blogging, but it includes a time to go along with each and every thought. This is helpful to the writer because it helps keep the blog in chronological order. It also lets readers know that the writer spent a lot of time putting thought into the blog. For my inaugural live blog, I’ve decided to cover the colon cleanse I did yesterday. As we all know, regularity is of paramount importance when it comes to being active (hence the success of Activia yogurt), but sometimes you just need an extra boost of regularity. Here is my first live blog. Wish me luck! (All times listed are Eastern Standard Time).

10:30 AM (approximately): I decided I could benefit from a colon cleanse, so I went to the pharmacy to get a supplement.

11:20 AM (approximately): I returned from the pharmacy with a bottle of magnesium citrate laxative. I drank it.

11:34 AM: I decided to live blog my colon cleanse, so I got a pencil and paper to make notes I could transcribe onto the computer later.

11:40 AM: I ate lunch. I had a beef pot pie with a side of potato chips and a glass of milk.

11:50 AM: My grandniece Tricia came out of her room and left to spend some time with her new friends. I told her this would have to be another excused absence for our summer school program. She’s a fast learner, so I’m sure it won’t be a problem.

12:00 PM: I watched the news on TV.

12:30 PM: I went outside to check on my bee colony. They are doing well, though they still haven’t produced any honey.

12:42 PM: I took a walk around the block. Those neighbors that put a patio in their carport I told you about a few weeks ago—well, I decided to drop in on them and introduce myself, but they weren’t home.

1:12 PM: I returned home.

1:14 PM: I fixed some cheese and crackers.

1:24 PM: I sat out and watched my bird feeder.

3:02 PM: A car was speeding on my street. I tried to get the license plate number, but it was moving too fast.

3:19 PM: It looked like the same car driving past again, but I wasn’t sure. They weren’t speeding this time, as far as I could tell.

3:48 PM: The common-law Mrs. Codger got home from work. She told me about her day. I won’t repeat the details here.

4:00 PM: I watched the Judge Judy program.

4:13 PM: I had a bowel movement and missed the end of that episode of the Judge and the start of the next episode.

4:36 PM: I sat back down to watch the rest of Judge Judy in peace.

4:51 PM: I went to the WC for another bowel movement. This one was more productive, though the first one hadn’t been too bad itself. I missed the end of the program though.

5:27 PM: The missus asked me if I wanted to accompany her to the store. I thought that wouldn’t be a good idea, given my current condition, so I declined.

5:29 PM: I had another bowel movement. I guess it was a good thing I didn’t go to the store!

5:49 PM: I ate a handful of Necco Wafers.

6:00 PM (on the dot): I had another bowel movement. Talk about regularity!

6:14 PM: I ate dinner. I had Monterey Chicken, which, if you don’t know, is grilled chicken tenders with BBQ sauce, topped with bacon and Monterey jack and cheddar cheeses with mashed potatoes.

6:38: The missus returned from the store.

6:56 PM: I went back outside to sit on the porch.

7:29 PM: I had another bowel movement. That magnesium citrate has a real kick to it!

8:00 PM: I sat down to watch the Nancy Grace program, even though it was a substitute host.

8:22 PM: I had another bowel movement. It looked like they were starting to get smaller.

8:45 PM: I fixed a cup of tea and resumed watching Nancy Grace. I hope I did not miss a call from a regular, such as Sheba from Illinois. She’s a nurse at the V. A. Hospital in Carbondale.

8:59 PM: I spent some time on the Internet researching magnesium citrate. It seems like others have had similar experiences to mine, such as this blogger: http://www.poopreport.com/Consumer/magnesium_citrate.html?from=140&comments_per_page=140

9:29 PM: I had another bowel movement.

10:00 PM: I watched the repeat of the 8:00 Nancy Grace.

10:12 PM: Tricia came home. She said she was tired and went to bed.

10:19 PM: I had another bowel movement. They seemed to be coming less frequently now.

10:40 PM: I took a shower.

11:00 PM: I watched the news.

11:10 PM: I had a small bowel movement.

11:35 PM: I went to bed.

12:03 AM: I woke up and had a bowel movement.

12:17 AM: I went back to bed.

I learned a lot from my cleansing experience. Most importantly, I gained some valuable insight into the female psyche: Now I know what it’s like giving birth, so I completely understand how women feel.

Until next time!

Ahoy,

The Codger

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4 responses to this post.

  1. Good stuff!

    Reply

  2. Posted by smokingjacketman on June 7, 2010 at 10:25 am

    You had a pretty interesting day there.

    Reply

  3. This was by far the best live blog of a colon cleansing I’ve ever read. Mag citrate is the good stuff.

    Reply

    • Dear Frontier Psychiatrist,

      Thank you for the endorsement. It’s nice to have the backing of the medical establishment.

      Best wishes,
      The Codger

      Reply

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