Good Wednesday morning, my captive audience! The big news story of the day is that according to Variety (the entertainment journal), CBS–or, as I and several others call it, “The Tiffany Network”—has just cancelled most of its programs that appeal to senior citizens. Well, if you remember being outraged back in ’71 when CBS cancelled quality shows like Mayberry R. F. D., Green Acres, and Hee Haw in its famous “Rural Purge” in order to trade its older viewers for younger viewers, well, prepare to be even more outraged now, because they’ve done it again. To my younger readers—think of how you felt when they cancelled Empty Nest. They’ve taken away a TV schedule that was rightfully ours and are replacing it with something for young people (who probably won’t even appreciate it). This is an outrage! An absolute outrage! WTF the he11 is wrong with you, CBS?
One of the cancelled programs pointedly represents CBS’s insolence: The New Adventures of Old Christine. I’ve never seen that show myself, but you can tell from the title alone that the titular character is old, and hence, undesirable, unattractive, and irrelevant to our youth-obsessed society. Although her adventures might be “new”, they are still worthy of cancellation in CBS’s eye (logo) because she is old. Just you watch—they’ll probably replace it with The New Adventures of Young Christine and suddenly, they’ll magically be singing a different tune.
Another show they cancelled: Cold Case. I used to enjoy that program. It was like taking a walk down memory lane seeing crimes like those I remember from the ‘40s through the ‘80s reenacted. The icing on the cake was seeing the people involved in the crime nowadays as seniors. The problem with Cold Case is that it got too modern. Who wants to watch barely-cold cases from the ‘90s? If you’re going to do that, you might as well watch a show about crime today. And where are all those senior citizen actors the show employed going to get work now? You tell me that!
They also cancelled Miami Medical, a show set in the city where many seniors aspire to retire, and Ghost Whisperer, a show about “post-retirement”, if you catch my drift. Obviously, we cannot stand idly by and let this happen. I propose a two-pronged attack: Writing your congressman and boycotting CBS. When your cable company sees that no one is watching CBS, they’ll get the message and relay it to CBS corporate. The people’s will will not be denied!
Until next time!