Dear readers, though I strive to be a purveyor of uplifting stories and information, I’m afraid I have some bad news to report. I realize that it’s of a sensitive nature, but nowadays, I suppose honesty is the new privacy. Yesterday evening, the common-law Mrs. Codger covertly snuck off to the local Senior Center, which is well known for being a beacon for all sorts of people with, to put it politely, “loose morals”. I tried texting her on her new Jitterbug cellular phone, which I paid for with the booty from my recent Harrah’s trip. Since she did not text me back, I decided to search the neighborhood. I located her automobile outside the Senior Center. Through the front window I spied the missus seated at a table across from a man in a power chair, which was a “Rascal”. Just show me a Rascal driver that isn’t a philanderer! We all know the truth about them. The sight of that Rascal told me all I needed to know. He’s probably a pro when it comes to playing footsie under the table, provided he still has use of his legs (or prosthetic legs, whatever may be the case).
Things went from bad to worse when they passed out the bingo cards. My wife won the first game. Her prize? A beaded necklace. I wasn’t born yesterday…I know what women are expected to do in exchange for beads. Why do you think I never took her to Mardi Gras every year (well, aside from the fact that neither of us speaks French)? I could not bear to watch any more, diverted my eyes, and returned home.
Rather than turning to a physical confidante for advice, as I might have in days of old, I turned to my trusted online video search engine, YouTube. By using the search function, YouTube directed me to a video of some respectable people my own age giving marriage tips: Singers Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis, Jr.
Now they’re the perfect people to listen to because they’ve experienced both sides of the same coin: They’ve been married to each other for over 40 years, but they also successfully divorced the rest of their previous band, the 5th Dimension, in order to record the smash number 1 hit duet “You Don’t Have To Be a Star (To Be In My Show)” without them. Marilyn and Billy recommend that it’s important for you to like the person you’re married to as a friend.
This seems like good advice.
Until next time!